I love the British. I love the British so much.

"The pheasant, nicknamed Phil by Ms Hudson, lurks around from morning until night, and attacks her family as they go to and from their house, in Wentnor, Shropshire."

Yes, there is video.

"The unpleasant pheasant..." Marry me, England.

I know what I'm watching while I wrap Christmas presents tonight.

*If the pictures don't immediately move, just put your mouse pointer over them.

The hilarious "head in a trash can" photo you didn't know you wanted.

So, today's perusal of foreign newspapers has yielded solid gold. And, I just realized that my description in the post title sounds a bit macabre, but fear not! The head is indeed attached to a body. A man in Aberdeen, Scotland (currently my favorite man in all of Scotland) got himself wedged into a trash can, or "rubbish bin" if you speak British.

Heaven bless whomever decided to memorialize this on film:

Head in a rubbish bin.

The best part of this photo is the person in the lower right corner, grasping his friend on the shoulder and pointing with great animation. That person is a kindred spirit to me.

I truly hope those are the kindest, most understanding firemen in Scotland. Happy Monday, everyone.

Here comes the prequel you didn't even know you wanted.

"That's right. I'm fabulous."

So, here's the deal and the deal is this: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh! There may be a Downton Abbey spinoff headed our way. It will be a prequel and tell the story of Lord Grantham shamelessly pursuing his future wife like something out of my favorite Edith Wharton novel.

My mind is wild with delightful possibilities. Who will play the young Dowager Countess? Woe unto that actress if she does not adequately shoulder the crushing expectations we all have for our favorite character. In fact, can't they just use some sort of CGI to age-regress Maggie Smith, for surely nothing else will do.

What other familiar faces will we see? Young Carson? Young Mrs. Hughes? Young Mrs. Patmore? As a kitchen maid herself! Aaaahhhh! I'm betting a young Mr. Bates will show up as well, having fought with Lord Grantham in the Boer Wars. Perhaps even Baby Thomas will appear, having materialized out of a cloud of sulfur.

"Evil. And born this way."

One thing I can guarantee: the clothes will be fabulous. Nothing in the history of fashion can match the Gilded Age in my opinion.

I really shouldn't get too excited just yet since they still have to write the thing, cast it, film it, show it in Britain, wait a punishingly long amount of time, and then finally show it in the US, but I cannot help myself. Something has to pass the time whilst I wait for three Hobbit movies.

Petunia thieves, be warned.

"Do not test me, mate!"

Are you, like me, so excited for the Olympics that you’re reading random news stories about England?

I saw this story on a blog that surmised it may be the most British news story ever. Just look at the subheading: “A pensioner confronted two thieves trying to steal his award-winning petunias and saw them off with his garden trowel.” 

Heh. "Saw them off with his garden trowel.” I love England! I love their journalists and their trowel-wielding pensioners.

Other gems from the story:

"They had targeted his front garden, which won a Britain in Bloom competition in three consecutive years…"

"There was one man loading some of my pots into the back of a van, while his mate was sitting in the passenger seat as cool as you like. I walked over and stood in front of the van. "I said to him, 'You're not having them. You can put the blooming things back.'"

"I was furious, I was holding my garden trowel and I think they both knew I wasn't going to give up my flowers without a hell of a fight."

"It was probably lucky for the van man because my wife Patricia was at Wimbledon watching the tennis but if she had been with me she would have been at my side and they would have had two of us to contend with."

Opening ceremonies Friday night, guys!

Test Your Awareness

The British are such a delight. Take a look at this ad for visual awareness and take the test.



How did you do?

AND DO NOT READ THE COMMENTS BEFORE WATCHING THE VIDEO!