Goin' to New York, meetin' Matthew Crawley...

So, last weekend Alexa, Eric, and I headed to the Big Apple to see some shows and meet Alexa's future husband, Dan Stevens. (Or, as I will always call him, Cousin Matthew.) Oh, what would Max Talbot* say? Oh no!

*In case you didn't know, the celebrity object of Alexa's affections has heretofore been one Maxime Talbot, former Pittsburgh Penguin and current French Canadian. Her love for him even led her to traitorously root for the Canadian hockey team over the US at the Vancouver Olympics. It was an infamous spectacle, and a more revolting exhibition I cannot recall. He has since been traded to the Philadelphia Flyers, which I suspect took some of the shine off that diamond. 

We started our morning at the Gibsons', who generously hosted us for our whirlwind trip. After rising unbearably early and stopping for egg sandwiches at Starbucks, we were off. Eric and I argued and snarked the whole way to Manhattan while Alexa slept like a lazy lump in the back seat. Surprisingly there was almost no traffic on the way in and we were not greeted by hoards of desperate hurricane survivors barely clinging to life as many people who tried to talk us out of this trip predicted we would.

We soon met up with Taylor and her two friends Josh and Ty. We decided to go to Junior's for an early lunch and here's where we discovered an awesome scam. Did you know that if you go to Junior's before 11 AM they will be serving breakfast and thus instead of the traditional pickles, slaw, and beets, you get a plate of rugelach for the table? Yeah, neither did I. And Junior's rugelach is just as awesome as you would expect baked goods from Junior's to be. So, here's what you do. You go at 10:45, you scarf down the rugelach that they set before you, you ask for lunch menus and wait until 11:00 to order from them, and then you scarf down the pickles, slaw, and beets they bring out next.

Photo credit: Taylor

After lunch, we headed to the Christmas shops in Bryant Park before our shows. Taylor bought the cutest knitted ear band to keep her warm in winter. I lamented that I most likely won't need such finery because I live in a swamp town.

Lex and I headed to The Heiress to swoon over Matthew Crawley enjoy a brilliant play based on a wonderful Henry James novel, while the others saw Annie and Mary Poppins. Ty's cousin is in Annie, so he and Josh got a backstage tour. One of them tripped and nearly crushed the child who plays Annie, so you can imagine how awkward that would have been.

After our show, we went to the stage door. Jessica Chastain came out and was lovely and gracious and spent lots of time with the fans gathered there. (She was off-the-hook amazing in this play, BTW.) David Strathairn snuck out a side door and stood across the street chatting with, I think, his driver. Then Dan Stevens came out and Alexa, after having threatened to throw down the ladies in front of her with her ninja skills, instead waited politely to see the man of her dreams. He was adorable and so very British and he happily took photos with everyone, including our girl:

She came away squealing, "He put his arm around me! We look like a couple!" Our day in New York was clearly a success.

That evening, we couldn't get into John's because the city was packed, so we stopped at the 42nd Street McDonald's for dinner. Yeah, that's right. It was pretty sad. We couldn't even find a table so we ate our fries standing at a counter. I promised myself to never repeat that experience. Then the boys all went to see shows while Taylor, Lex, and I walked around and drank the most amazing hot apple cider you will ever have. We got pretty chilly, so we thought we'd pop into the Library, but we couldn't get in because it was hosting the swankiest wedding in New York City that night.

This is so brilliant because I often get bored at weddings, but if your wedding was in a library, I could just sneak off and spend some time with Miss Austen or Mr. Dickens. Classic literature and cake? Yes, please.  Seriously people, have your wedding in a library and invite me.

After warming up at a gelato/salad bar place with decor straight out of the tackiest restaurant in Miami, we headed to John's to meet the boys for some late night pizza, because there was no way I was leaving Manhattan without some John's pepperoni. Then we said goodbye to Taylor, Josh, and Ty, and headed back to Philly. This is the part of the trip where we almost died. Eric was so tired and I was nodding off, but I kept snapping myself awake, saying "Talk to Eric. Talk to him now or we're all gonna die." Alexa, heedless of our safety, was spread out like a hot breakfast in the back seat, dreaming of Matthew Crawley's** arm around her. How we made it home, alive and awake, I will never know.

**Sorry if this has been confusing, but Matthew Crawley and Dan Stevens are the same person.

The next morning, Lex and Eric headed west and Kris put me back on the train to Swamp Town our nation's capital. The views out the window were quite lovely.

Can't wait to do it again, guys.

David Sedaris!

Last night I had the pleasure of attending a reading by David Sedaris, one of my favorite living authors. I’ve seen him read live before, and I will take every opportunity I ever have of seeing him read live again. Before the show, he walked right past me in the lobby and it was all I could do to stop myself from throwing my arms around him and telling him that I wanted to wrap him up and put him in my pocket. Better to be escorted out by security after the reading, I thought.

If you’re not familiar with his work, go now, run, and download any and all episodes of This American Life that he’s contributed to. Then go and get some of his audiobooks. Normally, I would suggest the print version, but there’s nothing quite like listening to David Sedaris read his own work (see also: David Rakoff, Tina Fey, and Mindy Kaling). His cadence and delivery will have you in tears of laughter, just as I was last night.

This is a good one, too. His live recordings are the best.

I managed to snag a front row ticket and was seated about ten feet away, which was awesome. Mr. Sedaris read some essays from his upcoming book, Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls, the title of which is taken from a tale of an excruciating conversation in Greek by the author, who speaks very poor Greek. He also read a few of his diary entries. I love when he does this. He regaled us with the story of telling a Willie Nelson joke to a ticketing agent at the airport and it had me laughing so hard, I started to feel dizzy. I thought  "Oh, if I pass out and fall out of my chair, that will be so embarrassing."

On every book tour, David Sedaris recommends a book to the audience. This time he told us to read The Bill From My Father, by Bernard Cooper (and also everything else by Bernard Cooper). He said from a writing standpoint this book is especially interesting because it’s filled with lots of page-and-a-half essays. David loves this because a 1½-page essay is far more difficult to write than a ten-page essay, and every word in the book is so carefully chosen, but not in a way that makes it precious. He then declared that he will never write anything as fine as Bernard Cooper’s work, which is about the greatest compliment I can imagine receiving from David Sedaris. I immediately put all of Cooper’s works on my reading list.

And then I drove home, chuckling about Willie Nelson all the way.

Zombie eyes and bald opera singers

So, this weekend I decided to take a theatrical make-up class at The Kennedy Center. It just sounded like too much fun to pass up. The "Diva It Up" class promised to show me how to put on my opera face and create some Halloween looks. How could I resist?

The KC is a very imposing building. I felt under-dressed as soon as I arrived. (I also felt this way walking down Savile Row in London. One must simply hold one's head high and get on with things.) There are red carpets and valet guys everywhere.

The students in the class ran the gamut from professional make-up artists to people like me who just wanted to have fun. One woman brought her 8 year-old nieces.

Perhaps the coolest part of the course was that it was located in the opera house dressing rooms. There were rows and rows of make-up tables with vanity lamps, where all the ballerinas get ready for their performances.

Our teacher, Leslie, has been a professional make-up artist for more than two decades. (Her own make-up was flawless, so that was a good sign.) She works at the Kennedy Center, making up the performers for ballet, opera, and theater.

Here Leslie is teaching us how the ballerinas use a white base for their make-up, how to create a dramatic eye look, and how to make your brows more prominent for a stage performance. Other things she taught us:

• People on stage need lots and lots of fake eyelashes.
• Warm tones like pinks and peaches look best under stage lights.
• If you're putting eye make-up on another person, tell them exactly what you're doing with each step. No one wants any surprises near their eyes.
• Keep your eyes open when applying false lashes so you don't glue your eyes shut. (Good tip.)
• Any eye shadow can be used as a liner - just add a bit of water and use an eyeliner brush.
• Super Matte Anti-shine is the best product in the world. It will mattify even the shiniest bald head. (Which was why, Leslie told us, her tube was nearly empty.)
• Brides wishing to avoid a shiny face would do well to keep a velour pouf of powder tucked into their bras in order to have easy access to some mattifying powder.

Leslie also taught us how to make wounds with paint-on latex and fake blood.

Here is the beginnings of my little pot of congealed blood. Vaseline is the base, then you add some bright red, and soften it up with some blue...

...which allows you to create this disgusting and totally awesome look. Fresh walkers here!

Leslie also gave us tips on how to use liquid latex to create the illusion of wrinkles under the eyes. At this point, two older ladies in the class yelled out, "That is information we do NOT need!"

My goal was to create a zombie look. Here I started with a freshly-washed face.

Then I added a nice base for theatrical eye make-up, or, "the deranged ballerina" look. Leslie had all these wonderful French beauty products for us to try. This white make-up felt really nice and light on my face. I could totally be a mime with this stuff.

And here are my zombie eyes. I was going to start on sunken cheeks next, but they had to kick us out so the opera singers could come and get their make-up on. (sigh) Priorities...

I also learned how to make bruises (but I forgot to take photos) and lots of tips for applying mascara and false eyelashes (which I will probably never use.) Tomorrow night I will get to see some of Leslie's handiwork from the audience when I go to the ballet. Can't wait.

This class was so much fun!

Eyes peeled, ladies!

So, after the Strayers’ Labor Day picnic, five of us headed out for a round of The Wal-Mart Game. If you forgot, the rules are simple. Each team chooses ten objects, we switch carts, teams must return the objects to their rightful places, and then return to the finish line, in this case the display of corn on the cob near the produce section.

Team Zack/Kris upon our arrival. Note the time on
the screen behind them. Yeah, we're hardcore.

Team Liz/Lex/Ali, ready to go.

Things started out rough for Liz, Lex, and me. We found one item fairly quickly and then settled in for a long drought. We had seven or eight items left when we saw Kris and Zack and, to our horror, noticed they were down to one. They had even ditched their cart! Oh, the hubris! It looked as though a humiliating defeat, the likes of Napoleon in Russia, was in store for us. At that point our goal was just to get down to two or three items before Kris and Zack declared victory, so that we could at least hold our heads up on the ride home.

Some of the items that drove us mad: Cupcake jewelry (Yes, you read that correctly. As in jewelry to adorn cupcakes, not people jewelry that happened to be shaped like cupcakes.), a hose coupler that was NOT labeled as a hose coupler (or as anything else for that matter), and a bottle of mineral oil meant for the care of bamboo objects.

We were all over that store, to no avail. Once we found the pencil case in the cereal aisle (nice logic, Wal-Mart), we returned once again to the clearance aisles with their messy shelves and acrylic bins. Alexa growled, “Eyes peeled, ladies!” like a drill sergeant. It was past 2:00 AM and I was so over this game at that point that I began to tear the aisle apart like Marilyn Monroe looking for a Valium. I was certain Kristen had chosen something from one of the bins and then buried its twin, so I began to shake them like a British nanny. It must've been impressive because for a moment Liz and Lex just stood and stared at me and then Alexa took out her phone and began to film me. It was fate, for when Alexa turned off her camera, she looked up and saw the cupcake jewelry hanging right behind her.

And then we were on a roll. The hose coupler! The flag pole bracket! The Cinderella Lipsmacker duo with bonus keychain holder! When we finally found our final item, the bamboo oil, Alexa dropped to her knees on the floor of Wal-Mart and threw her arms in the air in victory. 

Then we hightailed it to the corn.

Victory!

Team Winner!

In the end Kris and Zack were undone by that one final item, a Batman keychain/pencil sharpener. Bruce Wayne can always be relied upon. It was the first item we picked up. Liz grabbed it off the shelf and said, “How about this? You probably wouldn’t look for a keychain in the jewelry section.”

Well played, Mrs. B. Well played.

Felled by the Dark Knight. Or at least his keychain.

And it's like the fog has lifted...

So, this past weekend I headed back to PA to see my dear friend Amanda, who was visiting home from Texas. Amanda's family has a huge shindig every July in which they roast a pig and invite everyone in the tri-county area up to the farm. It's great fun and much delicious food is consumed.

This year, we set off some luminaries. Think that scene in Tangled where the whole kingdom sets off lanterns for the lost princess and the soaring notes of "At Last I See the Light" (the song which clearly should have won the Oscar last year) emanate from the screen as I cry uncontrollably and try to shield my face from my little niece so as not to scar her.

You know, like this. Rapunzel and Eugene 4eva!

These luminaries were a little less "Tangled lantern" and more "Pope's hat." But still very cool. Check it:

Amanda had to whip the luminary around to fill it up with air.

At this point I'm just praying it doesn't go up like a Roman candle.

Pope's hat, about to launch.

Up, up, and away...

They're very cool because once they fill up with air and the air heats up, they just lift off your hands...

This green luminary gave us a bit of trouble. It lit and took off fine, but then things got complicated. It started to lose altitude, like Carl's house when he and Russell sailed into the storm (what is with my Disney Pixar references today?) and came down on Amanda's parents' roof. Then it scraped, flame-side down, along the roof like Russell across the windshield of Charles Muntz's zeppelin, and up over the top and down the other side of the roof.

Imagine this portly child is a flaming luminary.

I'd have taken a photo, but my mouth was agape and I could only think "I can't believe we burned down Amanda's parents house." All the kids screamed and ran around the other side of the house. Amanda, Gena, and I took the shortcut, in the back door and out the front. Amanda chased the lantern as it floated into the trees and down into the clover field. I just stood on the porch and thought "I can't believe we burned down Amanda's parents farm." Just before it could ignite the greenery, I guess it got enough hot air to lift off, because it took flight as the kids squealed in delight and we sighed in relief.

Can't wait to do it again.

Not all who wander are lost...

Last weekend, Kris and I headed to West Virginia to visit the Bogaczyk clan. We played lots of Settlers (all won by Liz--all of the games...all of them...ALL. Cheating, you ask? I don't know. That's quite an accusation. Who am I to say?) and had lots of fun. One evening we took a walk in the gorgeous state park near Liz and Zack's house. It was really cool.

It sorta reminded me of Middle Earth. Or maybe I'm just going mad waiting for the Hobbit movie.

Much of our walk went down a path carved into a huge rock formation.

 

Wes had a great time.

Sometimes we happened upon a secret passage in rock face.

Watch out for orcs!

Zack and I climbed up on top to get a look. Kris was worried about my Nikon lens the whole time, but I did not shatter it against the rock. I did, however, lose my lens cap.

Sawyer was having lots of fun, too.

After our walk, we went out to the park's scenic overlook, which is basically just a fence built around a giant boulder cantilevered over a river valley. It was magnificent, but a little nerve-wracking for those afraid of heights. 

It's hard to get a photo of a three-year-old at dusk with no flash, but his smile comes through.