You know, you're going to have to eat some of that stuff.

In the checkout line at the Target (after being turned away from my movie theater viewing of The Walking Dead because all the seats filled up 40 minutes before showtime I mean come ON people!)

Checkout Guy: Did you ever eat anything made in an EZ Bake oven?

Me: When I was a kid.

CG: Well, if you eat some of this, let me know how it is.

Me: It’s cake cooked with an electric light bulb. How good could it be?

CG: Are you buying this for your daughter?

Me: My niece.

CG: You know, you’re going to have to eat some of that stuff.

Me: Yeah, I know.

Tonight, it began.

Tonight I officially bought my first Christmas present of 2010. I am that person that marketers are thinking of when they put out the Christmas ornaments in August. I am lured to them like Hollywood Montrose to jelly donuts. Also, it was Kohl's and I had a 30% off and ten bucks in Kohl's cash so I was powerless to stop myself.

It was for Jules and it's pretty and frilly and girly. Whee!

I am turning this Allen wrench solely with the strength of my rage.

Miles to go before I sleep.

Vile piece of metal.

You may have heard me talk about Ikea the way people in love talk about their paramours. You may have heard me say that shopping there makes me want to seek out Swedish people and plant a big old kiss on them. It was all true...before.

I do not feel that way this evening.

I took a trip to Ikea yesterday and purchased six Lack wall shelves. The Lack wall shelf is the backbone of my formidable organization system. I have no fewer than 11 Lack shelves already hanging in my apartment. I am a Lack junkie and I accept that.

But alas! The foolish people at Ikea took the brilliant Lack shelf, which was already perfect, and changed it, making it both more difficult to hang and less sturdy. What the crap? It used to be once you got the hardware on the wall, you were mere seconds from filling your shelves with goodies. Now, when you hang the hardware, your saga is only just beginning. You're just at the threshold of Allen Wrench Hell. And you're not getting out without a major time commitment and utter surrender to arthritis.

Then there's the aforementioned lack of sturdiness. That's not what they meant when they named it Lack! I have to wonder if the Ikea shelf designers realize that people will actually be placing items on these shelves. In my case, it's a good thing DVDs are relatively light. No way I'd trust my Tolkien books to these flimsy things. And if my Shield DVDs take a tumble, I am going to go Vic Mackey on these shelves. I am going to rip them off the wall and plant heroin in their cars.

Oh, Ikea. We may have to break up.

Pittsburgh Day of Fun redux

Amanda was visiting from Houston last week and she wanted to have a Day of Fun in Pittsburgh after she saw how much fun I had the last time. Looking through my photos, it becomes painfully obvious that we ate our way through the city.

We started the day with lunch at Molly Branigan's, a charming Irish pub. We thought it would be fun to plan our Ireland trip while eating Irish food, including Shepherd's Pie, Irish Stew, and an awesome fondue platter:

We meant to take a photo of it when the waitress brought it, but it looked so good we dove right in.

After lunch we found our way to Amanda's old (sorta ghetto) neighborhood and stopped by our favorite bakery.

Those cupcakes with the almond slivers are fabulous.

In between the bakery and the next stop, we went for massages, lest you think the entire day was just one big pig-fest. However, the next stop was, ahem, this:


In order to share one of these:

While we shared our steak and cheese, two things happened. First, I accidentally chomped down on my Advil liquigel instead of swallowing it like a sane person. While I've always secretly wondered what it would be like to do this, I admit it was a mistake. The liquid center tastes wretched, and it makes your tongue numb. Good thing I had some Primanti's goodness to wash that away.

Second, we realized that the Strip District Primanti's doesn't take credit cards and we had to scrounge to pay our $8.00 check. We gave the guy six ones and two bucks in change. It was like being back in high school.

Then it was off to Ikea! It was sunny and beautiful when went in, but when we came out, laden with Swedish crap, we were greeted with this weather.


Also, we stopped in the Ikea cafe and shared a princess cake. Green and delicious.

Other food stops included here:

To share some of these:


While we ate our wings, I declared that I’m dying for football season to start up again and Amanda confessed that she thinks Tony Romo looks handsome, but only when he’s suited up. I told her that I didn’t think a Dallas Cowboys uniform could improve the looks of any person, and she had to concede the point.

Did I mention that Amanda is my perfect wing buddy? She likes the little drumsticks and I like the two-bone ones.

We also did other stuff that day, like visit a cool hobby shop:


...and an "imagination superstore":

We had some fun with the wigs and masks:
Amanda as scary gorilla!
Me as angry duck!


At the end, we ended up here, the prettiest view ever.


And, of course, the New Alex Sheetz for drinks on the way home.

Jeff Reed was not there tearing up the men's room.

Sadly.

My day of fun in pictures

I had a day off today so I planned a day of fun in Pittsbugh. I started out in the Strip District where I saw some sexy hats.


There was also an amusing sign about growing older, which made me realize that I will soon be at a point where I've been driving for half my life.

I went to the Pennsylvania Macaroni Company, which is like Conzatti's on steroids.

They have pretty Italian sweets...

...a magificent selection of olive oils...

...and an olive bar that would make you weep.

I ended up here, the original Primanti's.

My usual: the steak and cheese, #2 best seller. They never do tell you what the #1 best seller is...

I'm not even going to comment on the time elapse between this photo and the one before. It's appalling.

After the Strip, I headed to the shops in Shadyside. The Shadyside Curiosity Shop is wonderfully colorful. I bought an old fashioned slide puzzle. I also went to a thrift shop and found a great old faux bamboo end table. It looks hideous now, but wait till it meets up with some high-gloss white spray paint. It's gonna be fabulous.


Next I headed to one of my favorite places in the world!

Ikea is more than a store, it's an experience. Because you may be spending hours there, they have a cafe. I had never eaten there before, but this time I was a little hungry, so I thought I'd try some Swedish meatballs. What can I say? This was a mistake. They are not great, but they're better than the mac and cheese, which was just dismal. The guy covered everything with gravy, and that terrifying pile of red stuff on the edge is lingonberries, which is like Swedish cranberries. It all went in the trash. I suppose not everything about Blue Wonderland can be perfect, and the imperfection is the heinous food. But the soda was great. Their carbonation levels are perfect. I drank that right up.

After my meal misfire at Ikea, I went to a place where I knew I could get something tasty. I want to be buried in a pile of Chipotle vegetarian burritos so I can eat my way out. And the employees there are so nice, they'd call the police for you if you were to lock your keys in your trunk. And the North Fayette Police Department is really awesome at helping people out of jams like that. Or so I've heard.

Next stop: Station Square and a ride up the Mon Incline...

...to end up here, the second most beautiful place in America. Interestingly enough, I'll be seeing the most beautiful place in June.

This evening was perfection. It was nice and warm, and there was a light breeze blowing.

I had so much fun, and now I'm off to bed to dream of my birthday meal tomorrow.

I can be an environmentalist, if there's something in it for me.

Today is Earth Day. I know this because I went to Google and there was one of those cute little drawings there in place of the normal Google logo. I am not an environmentalist. I mean, I don’t wish harm upon the environment, but I am a documented destroyer of planets. Basically, I am selfish and lazy and I just don’t give much thought to my earth-ruinous habits. I’m not proud of this, but there it is.

But! There is hope! If being environmentally friendly can also be fun and cute and helpful AND satisfy my enjoyment of shopping for online goodies? I’m totally on-board. Behold, the Rume reusable grocery bags. I bought six of these last year at Delight.com, one of my favorite shopping websites, and everywhere I go I get compliments on how smart and lovely they are. I mean, how much better would your wretched trip to WalMart be if it ended with someone telling you how fabulous your bags were? And even better, each bag holds more than twice the amount of a WalMart bag AND you can sling them over your shoulder, resulting in fewer trips from the car to the house lugging in groceries or books or whatever crap you’ve been buying because you shop way too much. And until I can afford that chauffeur/personal valet to cart my stuff for me, these will have to do.


I got the two Spring in New York sets, but the Fall in New York are lovely, as are the red ones they brought out for Christmas. The gorgeous new metallic bags should only be used if you are uber-fabulous and can carry them off.

100th Post!

Wow. 100 posts in less than a year. That’s more than 2 per week. What do I find to yammer about? Well, a quick perusal of past posts tells me it’s mostly trashy TV and my own klutziness. (Really, Microsoft spellcheck? Klutziness is spelled with a K?) Also, apparently I buy a lot of stuff. Thanks for reading!

How do you know you have too many clothes?

When you inadvertently buy the same shirt twice.

Really, this is just ridiculous.

I'll see your tiny white cardigan and raise you a 3-inch long pair of patent leather Mary Janes

So, I’m an aunt now and I’m terribly excited about it. Julia Diane was born on August 30, after she and her mother gave us the scare of a lifetime. I learned on that day that Melis is great in a crisis and I am the opposite of great in a crisis. I simply slip into a fugue state. But now that Jules and Jen are doing fine, I have begun to think about the obvious implication of all this: how much stuff can I buy for my little cutie?

I am telling you, it’s a whole new world for me. I used to be blind to the Children’s section in stores; now I’m pretty sure it emits a subliminal tone that summons me to it, beckoning me to find the prettiest little dresses and hats and purple corduroy pants. Oh, I’m so stoked that Jules is a girl because the girlie stuff is just plain more fun to buy than the boys' stuff and nobody can deny that. I can’t wait for Christmas.

I did not steal this

I love Ikea. I love to walk through the Showroom and imagine what my house would look like all sleek and modern and Swedish-looking. And then I like to go down to the Marketplace and buy cheap batteries and rugs and decorative boxes and chocolates. I would spend all my free time there if I lived near one. I really identified with that guy in Fight Club.

My favorite cheap things to buy are Ikea shopping bags. The ones you use in the store are yellow, but they started making them in blue and selling them for 99 cents, probably to stop people from walking off with their yellow ones. Let me repeat that: 99 cents! That makes me want to find random Swedish people and kiss them so much. I bought my first one last year and used it to haul laundry to my Mom’s house when my dryer was broken. Aunt Linda saw it and promptly accused me of stealing it from the store. I was suitably insulted and then explained the color difference. She persisted in insinuating that I was a thief and continues to do so to this day just to amuse herself. I now own 5 of these bags and I’ll probably be going back for more. They are so fantastic. I keep one in the car for emergencies and use one to store crap in the basement. I use them all the time. They’re great for hauling groceries into the house, hauling board games to Gram’s or Uncle Denny’s on picnic days, or even as an overnight bag. I arrived at Chris’ house for the weekend with my stuff in one and he called me a hobo or something, but I don’t care. I'm leaving for the Gibsons' tonight and I'll arrive with my stuff contained in one of these bags and I will probably be called a thief again.

They are awesome. They hold so much and they fold up so small, so you can use one as your overnight bag and then you can toss a folded one into your overnight bag so you can use it to haul home all the crap you buy when visiting your friends because you're all just a bunch of shopaholics who really need help. But these bags really are fantastic. You should definitely buy them. I love the Swedes!

What little patience I had is gone and it’s all Apple’s fault

I just got The History Boys movie soundtrack from Amazon. I was utterly disgusted that it was not available on iTunes because my iPod has spoiled me into thinking that I should be able to have whatever music I want immediately. Giant Eagle is also partly to blame because I buy iTunes gift cards whenever I go grocery shopping, telling myself that I’m only upping my gas reward points. Then I always have a money credit on my iTunes account which allows me to purchase music with reckless abandon. Oh man, I have spent so much money.

Anyway, History Boys was not available on iTunes, so I had to go through Amazon and, instead of getting the album in the 90 seconds it takes to download, I had to wait an entire six days and it was monstrous. But now that I have it, I cannot stop listening to Samuel Barnett’s rendition of Rodgers and Hart’s Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered. I love Rodgers and Hart so very much and I love, love, love Samuel Barnett’s voice. It’s so clear and beautiful. And I love his particularly English pronunciation of words like “laugh” and “half.” So. Very. Delightful. I love English people. The piano accompaniment is marvelous as well. I remember watching the movie and seeing Jamie Parker’s fingers fly so deftly across the keys and cursing myself for never learning to play an instrument. (I was not born under a musical planet.) Guys, I cannot stop listening to this song. I can currently be seen walking the streets of Old Westmont with my iPod and this deliriously dreamy look on my face as Samuel Barnett’s voice swells in my ears. So worth the 6-day wait.