Sher-choc-olate chip?

I really hope one of Benedict Cumberbatch's friends or cousins or whatever bought this for him.

Because if there's a cookie cutter of your face, out there, on Etsy, I feel like you should own one.

And yes, I'm filing this under my "Baking" label.

What the what?

So I'm standing at my kitchen window at 1:00 this afternoon and what do I see running through my yard but a six-point buck. Excuse me? I know I don't live in a booming metropolis, but neither do I live in East Jabip. Ridiculous.

False advertising! (Although it did make me want to eat chicken.)

Have you seen these McDonald's commercials for chicken McNuggets? The tagline is, "golden, juicy chicken McNuggets: the favorite of athletes at the Olympic Winter Games."

Excuse me? Exactly which athletes are these? I find it impossible to believe the superbly conditioned athletes competing in Vancouver are hoovering down Mickey D's. Those biathlon dudes are not eating McNuggets. Ludicrous.

Okay, maybe the curling dudes. Maybe.

Olympic champion Vincent Jay is not eating chicken McNuggets.

9-1-what the crap is going on here?

So, this past Saturday my friends and I went to Pittsburgh for a glorious day of Ikea, Dave and Buster's, and the most magnificent meal at Lidia's in the Strip District. Have you been? Go. Go now. Drop what you’re doing and go now.

Anyway, on our way there, we noticed the car in front of us was weaving dangerously all over the road and we decided to call 911. I won't go into the details, but I was bounced back and forth between several Indiana and Westmoreland County operators, each of whom were convinced I belonged with the other. Then, just to be more mischievous, the weaving driver turned back toward Cambria County, sending me on to another operator, who repeatedly asked me, "Which way is the car headed?" I repeated, again, "Toward Ebensburg." And then added, "By way of weaving all over the road."

After talking to seven different people, I was finally transferred to the State Police who asked me for some nearby landmarks. I asked my friends what was nearby and P offered, "We just passed Streekers." (Streekers is a strip club, and yes, I had to look up the correct spelling.) I covered the mouthpiece with my hand and hissed, "I am NOT saying that to a police officer. Find me another landmark!"

When the officer promised to send a trooper out, and we decided we had done all we could so we turned around, even though I really wanted to keep following and watch the guy get pulled over. I imagined all sorts of melodramatic DUI tests or maybe some meth in the glovebox.

Anyway, if you ever need emergency assistance, try not to need it near the county line.

Who are they gonna bring in? Coy and Vance?

So, I think I have it figured out. ABC is the evil network and NBC is the stupid network. I do not watch Law & Order: SVU, but plenty of people do. At least for now. NBC has decided to see if they can’t drive away their remaining fan base by considering the elimination of Detectives Benson and Stabler from their lineup. Have we learned nothing from The Dukes of Hazzard? I love John Munch just as much as any girl, but I know who can carry which shows and who cannot. The network needs to just bite the bullet and give them the money. I’m not really sure what kind of leverage NBC thinks they have here.

Further, they continue in their efforts to submarine Kings, the only place I can currently get my much needed Ian McShane fix. Clearly they must be stopped!

Between this, the cancelling of Pushing Daisies, and the meddling Fox is doing with Dollhouse, I’m beginning to wonder why I bother with television at all. These executives are all lunatics. Lunatics, I say!

No, that's one plus two plus one plus one.

So, last night my heavy, glass light fixture in my hallway mysteriously detached itself from my ceiling and crashed ten feet to the floor. I think my house is trying to give me a concussion.

I am car kryptonite!

So, there was the time a branch, no, make that a log, fell from a tree and shattered my windshield. Then there was the other time a log fell from a tree and shattered the back window of the car I was borrowing while my car was in the shop. Then there was the time I had to have my engine replaced after only 62,000 miles. I have my father's luck with cars.

Recently, Uncle Denny moved his parking spot and offered me his old one, in a city garage. I haven't even been parking there two weeks and last night two floors of the building collapsed. Collapsed!

My only surprise is that my car wasn't in there at the time. It could have finished the job the log started.