The Golden Globes

It’s the Golden Globes! The pre-Oscars, where the humor is better, the nominees get drunker as the evening progresses, and there’s always the chance for a surprise winner because the voting pool is, like, 80 people.

Favorite Moments:

These two. It wasn’t as funny as last year, but they still knocked it out of the park.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus being hilarious in the intro.

Matt Damon’s charming self-deprecation. “It’s me, the garbage man. The garbage man who didn’t bring his glasses. Fantastic.”

Jonah Hill, tellin' it like it is.

Jennifer Lawrence’s speech. "I did watch all of the movies this year... Not all of them, but you know what I mean." Give her all the awards so we can hear her give more speeches.

Vince Gilligan letting Aaron Paul have the last (salty) word when accepting the Best Drama award for Breaking Bad.

Tina Fey’s magnificent callback to last year’s controversy, congratulating Amy Poehler on her win by telling her there’s a special place in hell for her. Heh.

Emma Thompson, taking off her heels because she just couldn’t take it anymore. Every woman there is wearing shoes of pain. It’s nice to see someone admit it.

I’m so sick of American Horror Story getting away with being a mini-series and thus participating in categories that are less competitive than serial TV categories. That is such crap. So I was so happy when Elisabeth Moss beat Jessica Lange (who sulked through her speech like a brat) for Best Actress in a Mini-Series. Also, Elisabeth Moss was really very good in Top of the Lake and actually deserved the award, so I’m not just happy for catty reasons.

Seth Meyers being so excited to present an award to his friend, Andy Samberg.

Finally getting pronunciation confirmation on Chiwetel Ejiofor’s name.

Least Favorite Moments:

It takes an eternity for the TV people to get up to the stage and that just reinforces the unspoken caste system here. They couldn’t clear a path along the sides for them or something? Imagine trying to navigate a maze of Idris Elbas and Leonardo DiCaprios in 4-inch heels and a corseted dress when you’re already a little tipsy. We should be amazed Jacqueline Bisset made it up there at all. Speaking of which…

Jaqueline Bisset’s neverending speech. I get that you’re overwhelmed, but stop with drama-filled pauses. No one thinks this is cool.

Let It Go loses Best Song. I never thought I’d begrudge U2 an award, but the HFPA has terrible taste in music. Maybe the awesome gets lost in translation.

Diane Keaton droning on and on and oooonnnnn about Woody Allen. Whatever whatever I just don’t care you’re talking like you’re a little bit drunk now you’re singing why are you singing make it stop!


Now for the dresses...

Looks I loved:

Margot Robbie, whom I have never heard of, but apparently she's in The Wolf of Wall Street.

Those crystals sparkled so perfectly when she moved (See the .gif with Jonah Hill, above. Sparkly!). Wish the slit wasn’t so slitty, but aside from that it’s a really lovely dress, and probably my favorite of the night.

Kate Beckinsale, who was inexplicably presenting the music awards alongside Diddy and Usher.

Perfect fit, which accounts for so, so much, and I love that it looks like an Art Deco cigarette case, but a little too plunge-y in the neckline department.

Lupita Nyong'o, from 12 Years a Slave.

Perfect shade of red, sleek, beautiful.

Robin Wright (or as she will always be to me, Buttercup, who was raised on a small farm in the country of Florin...)

This was really beautiful, but when she went up on stage the halter moved all around and showed some of her underpinnings. Double-sided tape is your friend.

Taylor Swift, who seems generally awful but has great clothes.

I find her grating, but she has an amazing stylist because she is always well dressed.

Kerry Washington, who sets an unattainable standard of perfection, even when pregnant.

My goodness, but she's lovely.

Laura Carmichael, who puts up with a lot of crap from the Downton writers, in my opinion.

Lady Edith, good gracious!

Looks I did not enjoy:

Paula Patton, who is far too beautiful to look this hideous.

Those ruffles are eating you alive and I'm just afraid they may come for me next.

Emma Stone, who really ought to have known better.

No.

Zoe Saldana, with whom I really oughtn't to be surprised.

I found myself squinting at the TV and asking, “Are those… are those brooches?”

It’s just as bad from the back. Andie Walsh should be no one's style guru.

Drew Barrymore, who is probably trying her best.

I think she’s marvelous, and also she’s pregnant, so it pains me to say it, but this looks like a crafty project gone wrong. Like, when you’ve spent all day hunched over your vellum and your paper punches and the glue is starting to get to you and it’s all coming out wrong and you think with disgust, “I could have just gone to the movies today!” That’s this dress.

And that’s it for the Globes. Oscar noms are announced on Thursday. Things are about to get crazy with my movie-viewing schedule.