Went to see Eclipse last night...

"Just try to take me seriously. I dare you."

Amanda's in town so we went to see Eclipse with Jess and Brandy. It was hilarious and there was much giggling. Before it was all over we were certain we were going to get jumped in the parking lot by a band of outraged fifteen-year-olds. (We didn't. But we could have.)

Particularly laughable moments:

Edward still looks like he sprayed his face with baking flour and then got into my make-up bag and stole all my Juicy Tubes. The effect is clown-like, and therefore I could not take him seriously even if Pattinson could act, which he cannot.

Kristen Stewart's scenes were accompanied, as usual, by the audience's collective plea to "Emote! For the love of decency, emote!" She refused.

I still cackle like a hyena whenever Jasper comes on screen, which is unfortunate because he has a lot more screen time in this one. But the hair. Oh, the hair. How can I be expected to retain my composure?

Speaking of hair, they finally colored Rosalie's brunette roots, but left her super-dark eyebrows, which look even darker now that her roots are blond. The effect is so distracting, I couldn't pay attention to anything the actress said. I doubt I missed anything important.

The ring. Hideous. A collective cry of horror arose from our aisle when he opened the box.

Finally, you know you're old when you think the dad is the most attractive man in the movie. What? Chief Swan's a handsome fella. Don't judge me.

Let's slip away, under the cover of afternoon, in the biggest car in the county.

"Does this disaffected yet tragic expression make my hips look big?"

I have secured a copy of the New Moon DVD and plan to watch it over vacation, MST3K-style. Who's coming with me?

I am on 13 hours of sleep, here

To those of you who called me last night, sorry. I went home and crawled into bed at 5:45 PM. Apparently all those nights of staying up till 3 and 4 reading Twilight books have finally caught up with me.

I am super peppy today, though. I'm very, very awake. Like, too awake. I think sleepiness suits me better.

I suppose it had to end eventually...

Well, I finished Breaking Dawn and I am now prepared to rejoin the ranks those who live in society instead of shunning people like a book-obsessed hermit. Apparently I haven't been fit to be lived with lately. I'm going to have so much free time on my hands now that I don't have to hurry home every night to read for six hours at a clip. How will I fill my time? By chatting incessantly via email and Facebook with Liz in order to deconstruct every element of Breaking Dawn, obviously. I'll also be waiting for the crushing post-book depression to set in. I wonder if a vigorous re-watching of Buffy could stave that off...

Beck! Lex! Read faster so we can chat. Liz, email me!

These books are like crack. Totally addictive and about ten bucks each.

If you haven't heard from me in a while, it's because I've been shunning the company of humans in order to sequester myself in my apartment and read about vampires. So, those books that Liz recommended to me that I started reading last Monday? I'm on the fourth and final book now, and I have seriously been entertaining thoughts of taking off work so I could read all day. But I don't have that many vacation days left and I really would like to spend time with my family this Christmas. I hope they appreciate my restraint.

Becky is now reading them, too, and I think I've got Amanda interested. Join us! Join our obsession! Capitulate now!

What is obsession?

Taking your book with you on a run through the McDonald’s drive thru just in case you’re sitting there for a minute or two and can squeeze in some reading.

And you know what? It’s a good thing I did!

Okay Liz, you were so right to deny me your books. Fine. FINE.

If you’re wondering why I’m bleary-eyed and exhausted, that would be Stephenie Meyer’s fault. I have just discovered The Twilight Saga, and if you know what I’m talking about, you’re probably a teenaged girl. It’s a series of books about a girl who falls in love with a vampire and if you’re saying, “Wait a minute, Ali, that was a show and it was called Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” just hang on and hear me out. It’s not Buffy, but it’s sorta like Buffy which is maybe why I’m caught in its irresistible web. So caught, in fact, that I’ve been staying up till 2AM to read, which is where the exhaustion comes in.

These are the books that Liz thought about lending to me and then realized she just could not be parted from, so “sorry about that but get your own, baby.” And yes, she was absolutely correct to hoard them, yeah, yeah, whatever.

Now, I find that I do have some problems with this “love” story. Namely, that the hero of the piece is in a constant struggle not to chow down on the heroine of the piece. He’s a vampire, so basically when he looks at her he sees a big, old juicy Delmonico. And he’s ravenous. Now, maybe I have no romantic spark in me, but I just don’t go for love stories in which the guy has to constantly fight his own overwhelming urge to murder the girl. That’s not cool. That’s something that gets broadcast on the Lifetime channel. Were I in this situation, I’d point over his shoulder and say, “Is that the Red Cross Bloodmobile over there?” and then whoosh! my butt would be halfway to the nearest garlic field.

So I suppose it’s a testament to the author’s ability to weave a suspense story when I still can’t put the books down despite the fact that much of what the heroine says makes me shriek, “Oh, for pity’s sake!” right out loud, and most of what the hero says and does is creepy. Creepy like that scene in Silence of the Lambs that I refuse to watch where Hannibal Lecter escapes from the cage. Creepy like a Kiefer Sutherland movie marathon. Creepy like that look that Vincent D’Onofrio gives in Full Metal Jacket just before he shoots R. Lee Ermey. Also, the books are giving me nightmares, and yet still I cannot stop reading. Blast you, Stephenie Meyer!

Ahem. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go start the second book. There are some secondary characters that have the potential to be completely awesome, and I really do hope they turn out to be. And if these books sound intriguing to you, and you think you’d like to borrow them, well, sorry about that but get your own, baby.