I've kinda been dreading this.

Oscar readiness continues as, weather permitting, I will be seeing The Lovely Bones tonight.

Please, please, please do not let this ruin Stanley Tucci for me. I may have to rush home and watch Julie and Julia to wash out my brain.

Oscar readiness begins!

"Don't distract me. I'm sucking in my cheeks."

I have officially begun to get Oscar ready. The nominations won't be out until February, but you can usually tell which films have Oscar bait written all over them. BBC period pieces starring Kiera Knightley and Ralph Fiennes are practically tattooed with statuettes, so I went to see The Duchess at Westwood yesterday. It was very good, one of those decadent costume dramas with amazing corsetted gowns and lots of melodrama.

I do not care for any of the four principle actors, so it's quite a feat that I enjoyed the film so much. Kiera Knightley, while very talented, has always gotten on my nerves. I think it's the fact that she always looks like she's concentrating too hard on holding her cheekbones so high and making her lips so pouty. Dominic Cooper annoys me for reasons I cannot even verbalize. It is what it is. Hayley Atwell played a very tiresome character in Brideshead Revisited, and I think I just attributed that to Hayley herself, as is my wont. And speaking of actor baggage, I have never been able to see Ralph Fiennes as anything but deeply creepy. Perhaps it's the cold, ice-blue eyes, or the serpent-like gaze he has, but I suspect it's mostly to do with the fact that the first thing I saw him in, he played a Nazi. There's no digging yourself out of that hole.

Anyway, I thought the film was very good, so imagine how much more you'd enjoy it if you actually like these actors. I suspect Knightley will pull out a Best Actress nom (and deservedly so - the entire film rests on her slender, anorexic shoulders, and she owns it), and the film may also grab a Best Pic nom.

The best part of it all? Only two other people were in the theater and they didn't talk at all. Oh joy, rapture!

The jig is up, Zack. And Liz. And Kristen. KRISTEN!

So, now you're Jack Bauer? What happened to Kiefer? Is this multiple personality disorder? Schizophrenia? A little from column A, a little from column B? Either way, you sound about as stable as a Pinto in a rear-end collision. I have a rule of never letting crazy people in my apartment (except for Amanda, of course). I'm going to have to insist that you vacate the premises immediately. Good day to you, sir!

Cousins? What cousins?

Dear Ali,

I am Jack Bauer…. JACK BAUER!

I have saved the country multiple times from certain nuclear holocaust.

… You're welcome.

P.S.

The Seinfeld is safe, and your apartment clean, but I make no promises about the Oreos.

Well, that'll teach me to leave my computer on in the presence of mischievous cousins.

Dear Kiefer,

If you didn't want people to be "skeeved," as you say, you should have re-thought your film choices.

Exhibit A: A Few Good Men.
Exhibit B: A Time To Kill.
Exhibits C - J: An Eye For An Eye.

I mean, really! Look at your filmography. Look at your roles, sir. Murderer, murderer, child molester, murderer/child molester, KKK member, Three Musketeer. And not even the funny Musketeer. No, the other one. The one over in the corner alone, with the bottle of brandy and the look on his face like he just finished reading the entire collected works of Thomas Hardy. It was a Disney film, and you still managed to be creepy. What is one to think?

Also, I will not be at my apartment for the next week, so you'll have to entertain yourself. Don't touch my Seinfeld DVDs and don't eat all the Oreos. And it wouldn't kill you to pick up the Swiffer once in a while.

-Allison

Dear Ali,

Recently I was Googling my own name and your blog came up. I was reading through old posts and was intrigued by your disdain for my acting abilities. I'll have you know that acting is a very challenging profession -- I had to stretch myself to heights you've probably never known, and I am insulted by the way you are "skeeved" out by me despite the many movies I have been in that you enjoy. I especially know that you appreciated my role in Stand by Me.

I have decided to hide myself in your apartment and jump out at an appropriate moment. I'll be waiting for you to return . . .

-Kiefer Sutherland

Oscar readiness continues!

So I went to visit Liz and Zack last weekend because they promised me a weekend full of Oscar movies and games of Settlers of Catan, both of which I am totally addicted to. Liz pretty much stomped us on Catan (Ali and Zack – 1 game each; Liz – 4 games), but at least she didn’t make me dig a trench. Only Kristen will get that. Anyway, Liz’s house is a superfun place to stay. Everyone should go! She and Zack make you really good food and cookies and you get to do fun stuff like go to the movies to see There Will Be Blood, the last of the five Best Picture nominees that I needed to see.

The movie was fantastic. So much so, that I will only be mildly disappointed (as opposed to devastated) if it beats No Country For Old Men as Best Picture. It’s about the rise of an oil man in the early decades of the 20th century. It was beautifully filmed and just told a great story, like something from back in the 50s when movies could just tell a great story and not have to worry about making lots of money. And I got to cross off 8 slots on my nominations list. So. much. fun.

Daniel Day-Lewis already has the Best Actor Oscar in his possession. Seriously, he’s probably carrying it around in his man-bag right now, it’s so much his by right. He completely disappeared into the role. You’d never imagine there was an unassuming, soft-spoken Englishman in there. It just makes me feel bad for Viggo Mortensen. The year he’s so awesome in Eastern Promises is the year that Daniel Day-Lewis decides to come out of hiding and make another film. Poor Viggo.

Paul Dano was also fantastic, but he always, always creeps me out when he’s in a movie. I rank him right below Cillian Murphy and just above Jonathan Rhys Meyers in that regard. And Dano was at his creepifyingly best in this one. Ciaran Hinds rounds out an excellent cast, so how could you go wrong?

I must now go read “Settlers of Catan For Dummies” so I can make a triumphant comeback on my next visit.

And it begins!

Like the long awaited return of the Coen Brothers, the Oscar nominations are finally here! And happily, the noms won't give me nearly as many nightmares as Javier Bardem.

Some surprises:

Keira Knightley, James McAvoy, Angelina Jolie, Sean Penn. No Oscar for you! I haven't seen Atonement yet, so I can't comment on the first two, but at least we're safe from an insufferable political speech from Mr. Penn, and any kind of incestuous make out sessions from Ms. Jolie. For now.

Apparently Ratatouille does not suck nearly as much as my sister would have me believe. It got a screenplay nomination, people. It's now at the top of my Netflix queue.

Michael Clayton for Best Picture? Really, Academy? That's what you're going with? Really? Apparently the gene that I'm missing that would allow me to enjoy Marion Cotillard's performance in La Vie En Rose is the same gene that would allow me to see why Michael Clayton deserves to be in company with films like No Country For Old Men. I saw both of those films and I just can't see why that should be. I can't see it, I don't want to see it, and I will not see it. It is much like Norbit in that way.

Okay, let the search for a theater playing There Will Be Blood begin!