A truth universally acknowledged...

I was prepared to dislike this, but then it just reeled me in.

What if he’s gay?

What if he’s a serial killer?

What if he’s a gay serial killer?

More episodes here.

T-Rex trying...

Have you ever found yourself wondering what troubles a tyrannosaurus-rex would encounter in modern-day living due to his teeny tiny arms?

Wonder no more.

I'm pretty sure Dan should be kicked out of the family for this.

C & C Freak-out Factory

I'm sorry, but I find this to be hilarious. Nice emeralds, though.

"Oh, I say, this is a right kerfuffle. Tally ho, driver!"

Conversations about genocide and offal meats

So, I was talking with two guys from work: Matt, who is a vegetarian and vocal about it, and Chris, who loves every food that once had a mother. The end of the conversation went thusly:

Chris: You realize you're knocking your German heritage by ripping on things like Scrapple?
Matt: It's disgusting.
Ali: Well, there's a lot in our German heritage that we're not so proud of.
Matt: Yeah, you want me to bring you some blood sausage?
Ali: I was actually thinking of the Nazis, but blood sausage works, too.
Matt: Oh.

If you know me, you know I laugh when people fall.

Okay, I know this is awful, but this photograph made me guffaw. Green Bay QB Aaron Rodgers has just taken a knock to the head and is literally splayed out on his face, and the way this photo is set up, it looks like no one could possibly notice or care.

It appears as though a bunch of Redskins have run over to number 83 there to hear a bit of juicy gossip, and 30 appears to be scanning the crowd for his girlfriend. Those dudes in the background are perhaps enjoying the sunny day. Meanwhile Rodgers is like, "I am ON my FACE here. Anyone? Anyone at all? Seriously, you're just gonna let me lie here?"

Well, at least until we get a photo, dude.

Why couldn't I have been on this flight?

You'd be dining out on this story for years.

My favorite part: New York Police Commissioner Ray Kelly said it "appears" Steven Slater was quitting.

Yes, it certainly appears so.

"Screw you all! Now I'm grabbing a beer and blowing this joint." So much more memorable than a letter of resignation.

Very occasionally, I wish I could draw.

This is one of those occasions. Check out this very funny illustrated diary of an overnight flight.

No, thanks. Thirty's plenty.

So, my mom and my sisters sat down for a friendly game of 31 this afternoon. After taking her turn, my mother knocked, forgetting that you can’t do that if you’ve taken your turn. So we all knew she was going to knock the next time around. In fact, when Jen picked up a card, mom hovered her closed hand a few inches above the table, ready to knock the moment Jen discarded.

And she did, the very moment Jen discarded.

A Queen of hearts.

Which you’d probably want to pick up if you were holding the Ace, King, and nine of hearts.

Which mom was.

He’s how it went down: she knocked, she saw the queen, she screamed in horror, she collapsed on the kitchen floor. Her daughters broke into hysterics. Of course, I reached for the camera, because, well, obviously.

If you don’t know how to play 31, get someone to explain it to you so you can delight in this story.

Ornamental turtle!

If my co-workers heard me snorting with laughter the way you only can when you've been trying to laugh silently and have failed miserably at doing so, it's because of this video. What? I was on my lunch break!

Dad Life from Church on the Move on Vimeo.

So, this is hilarious.

This is one of those brilliant things that makes you wonder why no one has done it before. You know those overly-perfect, super-styled photos in various home decor catalogs? This blog takes those photos and imagines the lives of the people living in them, to hilarious results. Delight in it.


Hi Nancy, it's Elaine. I'm going to be a little late for lunch. I can't find my hat or my back-up hat.

No one could ignore the obvious racism of Elaine's side table arrangement.

Elaine was not amused by Gary's passive-aggressive response to her request to "garnish the cocktails."

Don't judge me; I've been snowbound.

I spent the better part of yesterday watching a marathon of MTV's Jersey Shore. Amanda and Gena recommended it and it did not disappoint. It was such magnificent trash--the perfect methadone to my Rock of Love withdrawal.

The entire cast was orange, and composed of silicone, collagen, steroids, hair extensions, and rum. It was appalling. And hilarious. I'm still recovering.

My favorite

Also, Abe Vigoda is alive? Who knew?

Shining

Ever seen The Shining? Jack Nicholson with a big old axe and the creepiest pair of twins this side of the Olsens. It is unsettling.

Or is it maybe just a sweet family comedy? You be the judge.

"Donkey!" (said in Scottish ogre voice)

So, it's the shortest day of the year, which makes me think with fondness of Gram and how this day would have made her more cheerful than a day in August, because now we start building up to longer days as opposed to losing increments of light with each passing day. Oh, Gram.

As for me, I'm taking some time today to make a cardboard donkey for one of my colleagues. Don't judge me. My friend at work sent this tidbit to me in an email:

December 21st, the shortest day (longest night/Winter Solstice) of the year, is dubbed St. Thomas Day. In parts of the Sauerland (in Germany), whoever wakes up late or arrives late to work on that day is issued the title "Thomas Donkey." This person is given a cardboard donkey and is the subject of numerous jokes throughout the day. But this gentle abuse ends deliciously with round, iced currant buns called "Thomasplitzchen". In other parts of Germany the day is called other names such as Durchspinn-Nacht or Durchsitz-Nacht. Traditionally a lot of alcohol is consumed and the next day is often called Kotzmorgen (hangover morning).

So, of course we had to make a cardboard donkey and present it to our perpetually late colleague. This was my template:


I love December.

"I will whip this snuggie off right now an' come over there an' smack yer mahth."

There's finally a new Greg and Donny up on their YouTube channel. It's not quite as funny as Gina Gets a Snuggie, or as nostalgic as the Idlewild one, but it's a delight nonetheless.




You gotta be from J-town to nail that accent.

These childish tantrums will not stand!

My landlord has placed the following note on our building's mailbox:

Mailman,

Your childish TANTRUMS by shoving the mail into my box and crumpling it into a ball had best not happen again or I will videotape the behavior and lodge a formal complaint.

The words "TANTRUMS" and "ball" are double-underlined.

I can't help but think that he probably crumpled the mail first and then shoved it into the box. But when you're mad enough the capitalize and underline a word, you're probably not thinking about the chronology of the events.

Hey, all of you people who went to Italy with me...

…and even all of those who didn’t, take a look at this. My friend Fran sent me the link. You know how people take those funky pics of themselves looking like they’re holding up the leaning Tower of Pisa? Apparently, when you snap those same pics from a different angle, it looks like a “mass-hallucination tai chi class.”

I wish I had done this when we went.

This? Is Fabulous.

It's almost enough to make me want to get married.

Almost.

I am wondering what Pastor Brown would say to this.

If you're going to shout, for the love of decency, shout clearly.

So, I was at Wal-Mart today (blargh) and as I was leaving the electronics section, an employee walked up, along with a customer he was helping, and shouted about thirty feet across the store to another employee, "Hey! Do we carry Little Shop of Horrors?" But the thing is, he didn't properly enunciate the last word. The employee he was addressing looked mortified, which caused him to yell, "No, no! Horrors. Horrors!"

Oh, dear.