Oscar Round-up Part II: The Clothes

The dresses were a bit of a letdown this year because nobody was out-of-this-world spectacular and, even more disappointing, nobody was completely hideous, although Anna Kendrick did her level best. Let’s start with what I liked…

Dresses I enjoyed:

Amy Adams

Some may have thought this color was too conservative, but I say Ms. Adams knows what goes with her hair, and she works it. I think I'd give this Best Dressed. For me, it comes down to the fit. This is like the proverbial glove.

Adele Dazeem

Once again, great fit, and I like to think this was Idina's subtle nod to Elphaba. Also loving the necklace/bracelet combo and her understated make-up. Wish they had caught her smiling, but she was probably thinking, "I'm about to sing in front of a billion people. That is slightly larger than the crowd at the Gershwin Theater." Props for not barfing.

Gabourey Sidibe

I love this color (I am always drawn to jewel tones and Gaby should be as well) and the ruching (Is this ruching? I am not Tim Gunn) and the belt. Love it all.

Jennifer Lawrence

There was grumbling at my Oscar party about the fabric at the hip, but I like it. It gives the dress that little certain something. I also loved her hair and the way she had her necklace draped down her back. But, truth be told, she is so likeable she could have come in that Gwyneth Paltrow pink prom dress monstrosity and I'd have found something nice to say. So kind of her to just show up looking great and not make me work for it.

Laura Dern

Laura Dern doesn't get a lot of play in the fashion arena and I think that's a shame. She almost always looks great because she knows how to dress her body type. Or she employs a stylist who knows how to dress her body type. Remember when she wore that sparkly green number? Oh, how I loved it. This is pretty great, too.

Chiwetel Ejiofor's wife/girlfriend/gal pal

It's a rare woman who can pull off satin because that stuff will wrinkle on you if you look at it sideways (perhaps she laid flat in the limo on the way over?), but this is lovely. And the color! The only note I have is that she should be dripping in sapphires. In platinum art deco settings. But that is all. This is lovely.

Jennifer Garner, not impressing me.

When I first saw this, I was not interested...

You have my attention.

But then she moved and the dress did this and I was like, "Yes!" She's like Daisy Buchanan, if Daisy Buchanan lived in a modern setting and was remotely likeable.

Lupita Nyong'o

We all knew she would crown this glorious awards season fashion coup with something remarkable. Personally, I prefer her in jewel tones, but it's hard to complain with a skirt that does the things this one does. She was the undisputed queen of the red carpet this year, and she wore her crown (headband?) with grace.

This dress was made for ascending staircases.

The swing! The twirl! The Disney Princess of it all!

Accessories I enjoyed:

Charlize Theron's necklace

I'm surprised that diamond didn't throw off her center of balance and make her crash to floor. Actually, we've no way of knowing that it didn't. In fact, I'm filming that scene in my head right now, and it's hilarious. "Clutching for purchase as she goes down, she's able to grasp a wisp of Jared Leto's hair, but alas! it's too silky and it slips from her fingers. Splat." And scene!

Jennifer Garner's bag and jewels

Remember what I said about Daisy Buchanan? Indeed.

Jennifer Lawrence's purse

It's looks like a beautiful, rectangular disco ball. I want.

Naomi Watts' purse

I also want.

Johnny Weir's shoes

Okay, these are ridiculous, but don't they just remind you of the fabulous little slippers on the dead Pope at St. Peter's? Any of my fellow Italy travelers remember that? Good times.

Dresses I did not enjoy:

Sally Hawkins

It's like that scene in Reality Bites where Ethan Hawke tells Winona Ryder that she looks like a doily. Except she was only going on a date with Ben Stiller and not to an event where a billion people would be interested in what she was wearing.

Julia Roberts

See what I mean about the bad dresses being disappointing this year? Even the bad stuff isn't all that horrendous. But still, she usually looks so much better, and this looks like Victorian funeral garb, except trampy.

Angelina Jolie

For someone who seems so vampy, she often dresses so matronly. I hated pretty much everything about this. It's one of those dresses that makes me think, What made you look in the mirror and say, "this is the one"? See also, that hideous goth thing Gwyneth Paltrow wore that one time which caused a fashion reviewer to call her Gwyneth "Chicken Cutlet" Paltrow. (I'm really being hard on her tonight, and she wasn't even there.)

Anna Kendrick

Oh, Anna. You are far too young and lovely to be wearing this. I can see how someone might have thought this would be good in theory. A drapey black skirt can be good. A leg slit can be good. Red sparklies can be good. A diagonal top can be good. But that doesn't mean you have to toss it all together like some last minute Project Runway piece and just hope you can "make it work!" 

This looked even worse when she came out on stage. Good thing the Oscars don't allow their footage up on YouTube. She only has to worry about this being remembered in still photography.

And that's a wrap. Until next year, everyone.

Oscar Round-up Part I: The Show

This is horribly late because I am crazy busy in my life right now (and the state of my apartment confirms this) so I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't even interested anymore, but here's the first part of the Oscar round-up.

We had our annual Oscar party. The party prizes this year were chocolates (like Elsa and Anna wanted to stuff in their faces at the Coronation Day party), Astronaut ice cream (like Sandra Bullock might have enjoyed before everything went awry with her space walk), and fake mustaches (straight off the faces of the American Hustle cast). This year, Julia did indeed want my candy prizes.

Jennifer won all of the pre-show games. The Name the Oscar Gown quiz, the Best Picture Whittle-down game, the Movie Quote quiz, she won them ALL, even though Eric had crammed. And as her prize-haul grew, so did the other guests’ resentment. As the show started, with only Oscar Bingo and the Award Poll to go, it was on!

Spoiler alert! In the end, she won those as well, but it was fun to watch others try to complete Bingo too, and get in on some of those sweet, sweet mustaches.

Moments we enjoyed:

JLaw. So relate-able.

Jennifer Lawrence biting it on the red carpet, just as I would have done. 

Pharrell's performance of Happy, which just got better and better as it went on.

"They're never going to give me one of these, are they?"

Imagining what poor Leo was thinking when Best Actor was announced.

Keep tight inside of it! Its magic must be very powerful, or she wouldn't want it so badly.

P!nk, singing "Over the Rainbow" while dressed as a ruby slipper.

The Best Song winners giving a rhyming speech. "Idina Menzel, Kristen Bell..."

Jamie Foxx scoring the presentation to Best Score with his rendition of the Chariots of Fire theme.

Lupita winning a much-deserved Oscar.

The selfie.

I had one job. And I'm blowing it.

Travolta and his "Adele Dazeem." What an idiot.

Oh, she is magnificent.

Darlene Love, singing her acceptance speech for Best Doc, and getting a rousing standing O.

Steve McQueen literally jumping for joy when 12 Years a Slave won Best Picture. Good for you, sir.

Other amusing moments came when we were all trying desperately to win Bingo after Jennifer had won twice and Julia had won as well. All I needed for Oscar bingo was “five or more people go one stage to accept an award.” During the 20 Feet from Stardom acceptance, four people went onstage and talked about their fellow producer, Gil, who died a few weeks before. So, this happened:

Ali: If Gil was alive I’d have bingo! 

Melis: That is awful! 

Ali: I know. I’m a terrible person. 

Melis: That makes Jennifer’s “I need someone to trip” seem much better by comparison.

And this...

An exasperated Eric was waiting to cross off "Goldie Hawn presents an Oscar" to win Bingo. When I told him that he could just have a prize without winning Bingo, he exclaimed, "No, I don’t want the candy prizes if I didn’t win them!"  

Later, when Ms. Hawn came onstage to introduce a segment this went down:

Eric: Goldie Hawn is presenting in my mind. 

Ali: Really, she’s not. 

Eric: Pass me the PRIZES!

(Jennifer crawls out from under her mountain of prizes to pass the prize basket to Eric. He accepts with mild disgust.)

Or, the time my mother was like a TMZ reporter...

Jen: Who is Bradley Cooper there with? 

Ali: Oh, I have no idea. 

Mom: He's dating a 21-year-old model. 

Ali: Who ARE you? 

Or the time she was... not. 

Ali: I can't believe Jordan Catalano is about to get an Oscar. 

(They announce Jared Leto's name.) 

Mom: What? Did you think he deserved it more than this guy? 

Melis: (entering from the kitchen) I can't believe Jordan Catalano just got an Oscar.

Next up: The Clothes!

53 down, 4 to go. Well, not go.

Stumbling in the home stretch. I can relate.

My quest for Oscar-readiness has come to an end. There were 57 movies nominated, and I managed to see 53 of them. Of the remaining 4, two haven't been released yet (Ernest and Celestine, up for Best Animated Film, and The Missing Picture, Cambodia's nominee for Best Foreign Language Film), one is in that limbo world of "gone from theaters, but not out on DVD yet" (Mandela, up for Best Original Song), and one (All Is Lost, up for Best Sound Editing) is available online but I just don't feel like watching it. If I'd been able to see the other three, I'd watch it for the sake of completeness, but since I'm not going to get to the full 57, I just can't watch Robert Redford sail a boat around for two hours while saying almost nothing.

Does this look like a good time to you?

Still, 53 is a lot of movies, and while most of them were great, I did have to slog through some crap when it came to the technical categories. Sure, The Lone Ranger had great makeup and visual effects, but it was a terrible movie. Just bloody awful. Bad Grandpa was no prize either.

But I saw some very cool movies, including the final one I saw, Belgium's entry in the Best Foreign Language Film category: The Broken Circle Breakdown. Did you guys know there is thriving Bluegrass Music community in Belgium? Neither did I. This movie centered on a Belgian bluegrass band (alliteration!), and it was so strange to see. One moment the characters were speaking super Frenchy French, and then they'd pick up a banjo and a fiddle and start singing "Wayfaring Stranger" in perfect, Southern-accented English. They wore cowboy hats and everything. They named their child after Mother Maybelle Carter. I just stared in wonder for the first 45 minutes of the film. Then I promptly downloaded the soundtrack because it is good.

These people are Belgian. I am not even kidding. I love movies!

Until next February, when the 2014 nominees are announced...

"This is the only scene the producers were comfortable shooting with kids."

So, my Oscar-readiness plans have gotten sidelined by the Olympics and by becoming horribly ill (How long can one live on Coke and chicken soup? I'll let you know.) but I plan to get back on track soon. If you're unable to get to all the Best Picture nominees, perhaps this rundown will give you an idea of what you're missing.

The Short Films

This past weekend I had the delight of crossing off ten items from my Oscar list. Ten! How, you ask? Well, they're the short films. Easily seen in the space of an afternoon, but major pay-off for the list-crosser-offer.

Some highlights:

Get a Horse

If you've seen Frozen (and if not, what's wrong with you?), you'll have seen this cute short that cleverly mixes classic Disney animation with modern work.

Room on the Broom

This is based on a beloved children's book, and it was such a delight. I really hope it wins. (The fact that it's narrated by my beloved Simon Pegg doesn't hurt matters.)

The Voorman Problem

This is my pick for live-action short. You may think it's because it has Martin Freeman, whom I adore, and Tom Hollander, whose name in the credits fills me with delight every time, but it's really because it's such a fun little short. It's about a man in a prison for the criminally insane who is convinced he's a god (and has convinced the other prisoners of the same), and the psychiatrist who is called in to treat him. And what a treat it was.

Do I Have to Take Care of Everything

This one's about a harried family trying to get ready for a wedding after they've slept in and various other things have gone terribly wrong. I think the picture says it all.

The Big 8

Tonight, I went to see Nebraska, which, in addition to being a very good film, was the last one I needed to see in order to complete what I call the Big 8 Oscar categories (Best Picture and Director, the two screenplay categories, and the four acting categories.)

This is a huge hurdle in my quest to be Oscar ready, and I've noticed something. To quote Princess Anna of Arendelle, for the first time in forever I think there's a clear winner in all of the acting categories, and in Best Picture and Director, too. Here's my take:

Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor: the men of the Dallas Buyer's Club

This was the performance of a career for Matthew McConaughey, which isn't necessarily enough to get you an Oscar, but this time it is. He was the best of a great bunch. And I can't believe I'm saying Jordan Catalano deserves an Oscar, but, you guys, Jordan Catalano deserves an Oscar. The only performance that came close to his was probably Fassbender's and he traumatized me too much. 

Best Actress: Cate Blanchett for Blue Jasmine

Did you see this? I didn't want to. It's Woody Allen, and I am not a fan. It looked boring to me from the synopsis. It is not boring. It is fascinating. You can't look away. Cate Blanchett is off the rails and it is wondrous to watch. Meryl is the queen and Judi is the empress, but no one was better than Cate Blanchett. This is hers.

Best Supporting Actress: Lupita Nyong'o for 12 Years a Slave

Oh, you guys, oh. This performance. This performance. I am still haunted. Jennifer Lawrence’s delightful speech notwithstanding, if I had seen this movie before the Golden Globes I would have been incensed, incensed, that they gave her the award instead of Lupita. This performance is one of the most stunning I have seen on film. Not just this year, but ever. There is no discussion to be had; give her the Oscar.

Best Picture and Best Director: 12 Years a Slave, and its director, Steve McQueen

Have you seen it yet? Be prepared. It is harrowing, even more than you're expecting, and it will stay with you for a long time. For days afterward, I couldn't think of anything else. Everything about it is just about perfect, from the cast to the script (it ought to win that, too) to the pacing. A story masterfully by a talented director. I can't imagine any other film winning.

So, that's my prediction thus far. I've also completed the Film Editing and Production Design categories, but I've got 14 more categories to go. Time to delve into the documentaries. I love this time of year!

Movie Day

Over the Christmas break, Julia made me watch her new DVD The Croods with her, and I came upon the depressing realization that it was the only Golden Globe nominated movie I’d seen. The Oscars noms will be coming soon and I’m woefully unprepared. So, in a desperate attempt to get a jump on what may be nominated for Oscars, I had a movie day yesterday.

I figured I’d better see this before it’s out of theaters. The black hole between theater release and DVD release has wrecked many an Oscar-readiness attempt. I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. The visuals are stunning and the story was unexpectedly moving. Also, after being reminded what a dreadful, horrifying void space is, I felt anew the amazement that NASA was able to rescue astronauts Lovell, Swigert, and Haise. Space is a nightmare.

I didn’t enjoy this as much as I thought I would. I loved the clothes and the music (it has got a marvelous 70s soundtrack), but it felt like the story was trying to be Goodfellas or Casino with the voiceover narration and telling of a true but retro story, and it wasn’t as good as either of those movies. Also I felt like Christian Bale was doing a DeNiro impersonation the whole time and I wanted to slap Bradley Cooper every single moment he was onscreen, which is a new experience for me.

I love the Coen Brothers. If you love them, you will love this film. It’s more in the vein of Barton Fink and A Serious Man than Fargo and Raising Arizona. But the real star is the soundtrack. I downloaded it as soon as the credits began to roll.

I capped it all off with a midnight showing of the 1984 masterpiece The Neverending Story, and left the theater with this wonderful sound in my ears:

Signs

Did you see Paperman? It's the beautifully animated short film that won the Oscar a few weeks ago. It is truly lovely to look at, but if you're wondering why I didn't remark on it when I posted about the short films, it's because something about it didn't sit well with me. It reminded me so much (too much) of a live action short I saw a few years ago. I couldn't remember the name or where I'd seen it, but I knew that Paperman's entire plot had been lifted from this other film.

We did not come up with this idea.

Well, I finally figured it out. It's called Signs and you should watch it. If you've seen Paperman, you'll see the case for plagiarism can easily be made. But you know what they say: "In literature it's plagiarism, in film it's homage."

And even if you're like, "What are you even talking about with these short films? I don't watch that stuff.," you should still give Signs a watch. It's well worth your twelve minutes.

Oscar Round-up Part II: The Show

So, yeah, the actual show. Let's just dive right in.

Things I enjoyed:

Seth MacFarlane. I thought he was a good host. Even if he did front-load most of his jokes into his bit with Captain Kirk, I enjoyed it. The Sally Field make-out thing was pretty funny, too. Good for her for being a good sport. Also, Tommy Lee Jones for laughing and not being weird about it.

See? That's what I'm talking about.

I also loved Charlize Theron and Jennifer Lawrence being so game to make fun of themselves during Seth’s intro song.

This. I love it when unusual stuff happens.

This man. He accepted the Best Animated Film award for Brave and he looked fabulous doing it. Also, yay for Brave!

Charlize Theron and Channing Tatum

Waltzing in the opening number. It was lovely.

Seth MacFarlane as Max Detweiler.

"They're gone!"

The whole intro of Christopher Plummer mimicking The Sound of Music. It was cheesy hilarity and it made me want to go back to Salzburg. (To be fair, thinking about mountains or good potato salad also makes me want to go back to Salzburg.)

She is an utter delight.

Ben wins! I totally agree that Argo was the best film of the year. His speech was really great, too; so heartfelt.

Daniel Day-Lewis making history (first man to win three Best Actor Oscars) and being charming and funny in his speech. That bit about Meryl playing Lincoln and himself playing Margaret Thatcher—I didn’t know he had it in him.

You know, there's a lot of injustice linked to the Oscars (Gary Oldman doesn't have one, for instance.) But it's nice that the record for Best Actor Oscars should be held by this man, who is undoubtedly one of the finest actors to have ever graced the screen.

"And my man, I love you, baby." Ha! Oh, Adele.

Helena Bonham-Carter and Sacha Baron Coen looking utterly miserable as they're forced to sing their Les Mis parts in the medley. Heh.

Finally, did you know the ladies' room at the Oscars exploded just as everyone was coming in from the red carpet? This article slays me. "The poor woman came out looking like a scene from 'Carrie.'" Ha!


Things I did not enjoy:

Ben Affleck not winning Best Director in a write-in vote. (It could’ve happened!) Now Ang Lee has to take home an Oscar that wasn’t really supposed to be his. And when he looks into the mirror, he knows it.

Anne Hathaway’s speech. It felt really rehearsed and fake. A lot about her seems insincere, which is maybe why many people seem to dislike her. In fact, with all the hate heading her way, I feel kinda bad piling on. I will say she definitely deserved that Oscar. I just hated the speech. And the dress. And the... you know what? I'm just gonna stop.

Can't wait for next year!