Straight outta Lackawanna

Sweet fancy Moses, do you guys watch The Office webisodes? The latest batch is all about the gloriously dysfunctional Kelly-Ryan relationship which causes Miss Kapoor to pour her heart out in the medium of song. Kelly and nice/clueless receptionist Erin have created their own girl group, Subtle Sexuality, and the third webisode features their debut video, "Male Primadonna."

Yes, it's about Ryan and features a rap by him, and a solo by the 'Nard Dog. Also, even though it's a novelty song, it's better than most of the crap winning MTV music video awards right now. I downloaded it from iTunes and I have no regrets.



Could Ryan be any creepier? How hilarious is Andy? How much do I want Kelly's rhinestone eyepatch? (So much.)

Yes, I think she can dance.

This is my early prediction for the winner of this season's So You Think You Can Dance:

Ellenore is talented and an utter delight. She has my vote. I am also adoring Russell and I hope he comes in second.

P.S. Days I've been gloriously Wal-Mart-free: 6

The smiley face shackles are coming off.

So, I went to Wal-Mart on Friday. Foolish, I know, but I needed to scan some photos so I could post them on Facebook. I spent about an hour scanning photos and when I tried to add my name and number to the order, the computer froze and lost all of my photos. As you can imagine, I was in a state. I had just spent an hour in Wal-Mart, a place I despise like poison, and it was all for nothing.

To her credit, the woman at the photo center was very sympathetic and apologetic, which was a nice surprise since Wal-Mart employees usually either growl at me or ignore me. I told her it wasn't her fault and that I understood there was nothing she could do, but still I was in a tizzy. I packed up my things and exclaimed to myself (and whoever else was in earshot), "Oh, this is such a horrible place! I hate it here so much!"

And then I left, because it is a horrible place and I do hate it there so much. It's the opposite of Holly Golightly's romanticized view of Tiffany's; whenever you go there something horrible happens to you. Or you end up screaming obscenities at your spouse. Each time I enter the building I invariably leave wishing it would burn to the ground, so why do I go back? If I knew a person who made me feel this way I'd avoid him at all costs. Therefore I have decided to avoid Wal-Mart from now on, for my own mental health. We don't like each other, Wal-Mart and I, so it's time to chuck this abusive relationship. I will be purchasing groceries at the grocery store, health and beauty items at the drug store, crafty items at Michael's, and everything else at Target. And, so help me, if I have to buy an entire photo-processing station and house it in my sunroom, I will never be the victim of a frozen scanner again. Freedom!

Days I've been Wal-Mart-free: 3

Proposal rescinded!

Remember when I wrote this? I take it all back. I'm not going to get into the Vernon Davis-related shenanigans. Just know that Mr. Roto cost me 27 points this week and I no longer wish to marry him.

27 points. I could throttle that man!

Crazy magical wizardry via Photoshop

Oh, sweet fancy Moses, you must check out this Swedish dude's website. He takes photos and retouches them. That's all he does. But what he does is some sort of magical trickery that will blow your very mind. Madness!

Take a look around his site. Beware of the chopped carrots, though. Eek!

Note the Haven T-shirt

Oh Canada, what are you doing?

Take a look at the hideous design for the Olympic medals at the Vancouver games:

This is what decriminalizing marijuana leads to.

Christmas Movie Day

Jen and I spent yesterday watching Christmas movies. It was fabulous. On the marquee:

"In America I'm Prince William. Without the weird family."

"You don't smell like Santa. You smell like beef and cheese."

"Argentina has great beef. Beef and Nazis."

Also, Julia threw a knife at me. I'm not talking tossed; I'm talking carnival freak knife thrower spinning through the air straight at my head. Awesome.

Little Ghandis

They're celebrating the 140th anniversary of Ghandi's birth. And they're doing it adorably.

Marry me, Mr. Roto!

I don't know why people accuse the Talented Mr. Roto of wrecking their teams. I think he's some sort of mad genius. Last week I benched Derrick Ward and put in Steve Smith on his advice. Smith pulled in 12 points and Ward marked it zero. This week I benched top tight end Witten in favor of Roto-loved Vernon Davis, and it netted me 7 points. I adore this man!

In fact, the only person I adore more than him this week is David Garrard.


Thirty-seven points! David, you handsome devil.

"I will whip this snuggie off right now an' come over there an' smack yer mahth."

There's finally a new Greg and Donny up on their YouTube channel. It's not quite as funny as Gina Gets a Snuggie, or as nostalgic as the Idlewild one, but it's a delight nonetheless.




You gotta be from J-town to nail that accent.