Oscar Round-up Part II: The Clothes

The dresses were a bit of a letdown this year because nobody was out-of-this-world spectacular and, even more disappointing, nobody was completely hideous, although Anna Kendrick did her level best. Let’s start with what I liked…

Dresses I enjoyed:

Amy Adams

Some may have thought this color was too conservative, but I say Ms. Adams knows what goes with her hair, and she works it. I think I'd give this Best Dressed. For me, it comes down to the fit. This is like the proverbial glove.

Adele Dazeem

Once again, great fit, and I like to think this was Idina's subtle nod to Elphaba. Also loving the necklace/bracelet combo and her understated make-up. Wish they had caught her smiling, but she was probably thinking, "I'm about to sing in front of a billion people. That is slightly larger than the crowd at the Gershwin Theater." Props for not barfing.

Gabourey Sidibe

I love this color (I am always drawn to jewel tones and Gaby should be as well) and the ruching (Is this ruching? I am not Tim Gunn) and the belt. Love it all.

Jennifer Lawrence

There was grumbling at my Oscar party about the fabric at the hip, but I like it. It gives the dress that little certain something. I also loved her hair and the way she had her necklace draped down her back. But, truth be told, she is so likeable she could have come in that Gwyneth Paltrow pink prom dress monstrosity and I'd have found something nice to say. So kind of her to just show up looking great and not make me work for it.

Laura Dern

Laura Dern doesn't get a lot of play in the fashion arena and I think that's a shame. She almost always looks great because she knows how to dress her body type. Or she employs a stylist who knows how to dress her body type. Remember when she wore that sparkly green number? Oh, how I loved it. This is pretty great, too.

Chiwetel Ejiofor's wife/girlfriend/gal pal

It's a rare woman who can pull off satin because that stuff will wrinkle on you if you look at it sideways (perhaps she laid flat in the limo on the way over?), but this is lovely. And the color! The only note I have is that she should be dripping in sapphires. In platinum art deco settings. But that is all. This is lovely.

Jennifer Garner, not impressing me.

When I first saw this, I was not interested...

You have my attention.

But then she moved and the dress did this and I was like, "Yes!" She's like Daisy Buchanan, if Daisy Buchanan lived in a modern setting and was remotely likeable.

Lupita Nyong'o

We all knew she would crown this glorious awards season fashion coup with something remarkable. Personally, I prefer her in jewel tones, but it's hard to complain with a skirt that does the things this one does. She was the undisputed queen of the red carpet this year, and she wore her crown (headband?) with grace.

This dress was made for ascending staircases.

The swing! The twirl! The Disney Princess of it all!

Accessories I enjoyed:

Charlize Theron's necklace

I'm surprised that diamond didn't throw off her center of balance and make her crash to floor. Actually, we've no way of knowing that it didn't. In fact, I'm filming that scene in my head right now, and it's hilarious. "Clutching for purchase as she goes down, she's able to grasp a wisp of Jared Leto's hair, but alas! it's too silky and it slips from her fingers. Splat." And scene!

Jennifer Garner's bag and jewels

Remember what I said about Daisy Buchanan? Indeed.

Jennifer Lawrence's purse

It's looks like a beautiful, rectangular disco ball. I want.

Naomi Watts' purse

I also want.

Johnny Weir's shoes

Okay, these are ridiculous, but don't they just remind you of the fabulous little slippers on the dead Pope at St. Peter's? Any of my fellow Italy travelers remember that? Good times.

Dresses I did not enjoy:

Sally Hawkins

It's like that scene in Reality Bites where Ethan Hawke tells Winona Ryder that she looks like a doily. Except she was only going on a date with Ben Stiller and not to an event where a billion people would be interested in what she was wearing.

Julia Roberts

See what I mean about the bad dresses being disappointing this year? Even the bad stuff isn't all that horrendous. But still, she usually looks so much better, and this looks like Victorian funeral garb, except trampy.

Angelina Jolie

For someone who seems so vampy, she often dresses so matronly. I hated pretty much everything about this. It's one of those dresses that makes me think, What made you look in the mirror and say, "this is the one"? See also, that hideous goth thing Gwyneth Paltrow wore that one time which caused a fashion reviewer to call her Gwyneth "Chicken Cutlet" Paltrow. (I'm really being hard on her tonight, and she wasn't even there.)

Anna Kendrick

Oh, Anna. You are far too young and lovely to be wearing this. I can see how someone might have thought this would be good in theory. A drapey black skirt can be good. A leg slit can be good. Red sparklies can be good. A diagonal top can be good. But that doesn't mean you have to toss it all together like some last minute Project Runway piece and just hope you can "make it work!" 

This looked even worse when she came out on stage. Good thing the Oscars don't allow their footage up on YouTube. She only has to worry about this being remembered in still photography.

And that's a wrap. Until next year, everyone.