"Coasters! They'll never know where to find coasters!"

This past weekend, I (sort of) broke my Wal-Mart boycott, but it was in the name of a glorious cause: game awesomeness. Zack introduced us to the Wal-Mart Game, something he’s been playing for years. (When you marry into a game-loving family, it’s always a good idea to bring some awesome games of your own to the table. Good show, Zack.) When he described it to us, I knew we had to play, boycott or not.

We gathered the troops. Zack and Liz were leading the charge and of course Kristen and I were all for it. Jackie was very excited to go. Nicole absolutely refused to go with us (boo!) and Jimmy had to be pulled off the couch where he was sound asleep. With six people in tow, we set off to start a new family tradition.

How to play the Wal-Mart game:

Step 1: Choose a 24-hour Wal-Mart and arrive no earlier than 1:00 AM. We arrived at 1:38.

Step 2: Split into two teams. Zack, Jackie, and I took on Liz, Kristen, and Jimmy. If this becomes the family tradition I suspect it will, I envision four or five teams roving the aisles.

Step 3: Take 30 minutes to comb the aisles finding ten items that will be difficult to put back. Avoid obvious places such as the cereal aisle. Feel free to choose feminine hygiene products if the opposing team is all male. Place the ten items in your cart, taking care that the opposing team does not see you in the act of choosing an item. You must be sure that there is at least one identical item left on the shelf after you’ve taken yours.

Step 4: Meet at a pre-arranged location (in our case, the display of citrus fruit) in order to exchange carts. Before the exchange, I suggest a quick bathroom break since you probably stopped at Sheetz on the way there for Cuppocino and Red Bull, even though Red Bull is vile despite what Jackie says.

Step 5: Exchange carts and the game is on! Teams must stay together at all times, and try not to run so fast that they are caught by the manager and thrown out into the dark Pennsylvania night. Whichever team puts away all ten items and arrives back the pre-arranged location first can call the other team on their cell phones and gloat. You may even be so pumped that you want to immediately play another round. Do so, unless the cousin that you dragged off the couch at 1:00 AM declares with bloodshot eyes, “There is no way that is going to happen” and then threatens to lie down on the shelf next to the baking soda unless you take him home right away.

The name of the game is strategy. Liz, Jimmy, and Kristen had us roving aisle after aisle looking for a display of gluten-free soy-based chocolate chips, and the jacket from the hunting gear section had us caught in the menswear section for quite a while. Two items in particular were our works of genius. Jackie chose an L bracket from the hardware aisle that was displayed in a barely visible cardboard box on the top shelf, and Zack picked some temporary tattoos from the impulse buy section at the registers. Masterful.

Afterward, the others bought some two dollar DVDs from the Black Friday bin, but I waltzed out of the store having purchased exactly nothing. I will leave it to you to decide whether I technically broke my boycott or not. All I know is that I left Wal-Mart with a smile on my face, and that’s a first.

Start strategizing for the Christmas round, cousins.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

To those who are usually with us but aren't today, we miss you terribly. The first wave of pigging out is now over, except for Uncle Giz, who is on round three. My dad and Uncle Denny are sipping wine at the adults' table. Uncle Gary is drifting off to sleep. Nicole is cleaning up. Melis, Brian, Jen, Jonas, and Aaron are debating about fantasy football. None of them are convincing each other of their points because we all think we're right. Julia is making Uncle Jimmy help her put her princess shoes on. I'm either going to grab a nap or start up a trivia game as soon as I pass out the cousin CDs. It's basically business as usual. A wonderful day.

Hallelujah! The return of Slapsgiving!

Are you watching How I Met Your Mother? If not, you're only punishing yourself. If you are, you know what I mean when I say:

Slapsgiving.

Slap #4.

It. Is. On.

Decorating = out of hand?

No need for lamps. I now light my apartment entirely with Christmas lights. Except the bathroom. I do have some limits.

I wonder how they'd look in the bathroom...

There is really no reason this should please me, but it does.

Hey fellow It's Always Sunny watchers, I just found out a tidbit of info. I knew that Mac and Dee were married in real life, but I just found out that Charlie is married to the waitress in real life. And I know it's ridiculous, but this makes me so happy. Charlie deserves to be married to that waitress.

Just in case you were wondering...

Days I've been gloriously Wal-Mart free and not regretting it in the slightest:

26

Perhaps my delight in the failures of others should worry me. Perhaps.

"This is me showing fear. Or wait, maybe it's anger. Or love. Oh, I don't know! I do them all the same."

So, New Moon comes out this Friday, as various television ads and every magazine printed in English is reminding me. Part of me is hoping it's better than Twilight, because despite their appeal to starry-eyed teenage girls, I really did enjoy those books very much. But part of me hopes it's just as heinous as the first movie so that I can enjoy all the unintentional comedy. I'm particularly looking forward to watching Kristen Stewart desperately try to emote.

And as long as we're talking about my delight in the misfortunes of others, did you see the Pats-Colts game tonight? What could be better than watching Bill Belichick choke on his own hubris? Watching him cry just after choking on his own hubris. He denied me that pleasure, but I suppose we can't have it all.