Freeze, drop the pantry, and put your hands in the air.

So, I love my new apartment, but the kitchen is tiny. Seriously tiny. It gets fabulous light, though, so I forgive it. The point is, I needed some more storage. Yes, I know I don’t cook, but a girl’s got to be able to keep a box of cereal and a bag of Swedish Fish on hand, and my cupboards are not tall enough to accommodate anything taller than Grape Nuts. And I cannot live on Grape Nuts alone. I can’t. I won’t.

So I spotted this adorable red pantry cabinet at JC Penney and snapped it up on an awesome sale. Check it out:



As I was checking out, the salesgirl regaled me with a tale that was both incredible and hilarious. The floor model, she told me, had just been put together that day, because the previous floor model had been stolen in broad daylight. Well, broad fluorescent light. Some dude had picked the entire thing up (and this thing is not light – I could barely even lift it) and run, yes run, right out of the store, into the mall, and outside before anyone could stop him (I know!) and is currently at large with the pilfered pantry. Is it Greek Week? This is so ridiculous. If you wanted to steal something pricey and kitchen-related, surely you’d have an easier time with a KitchenAid. This pantry is more than five feet tall!

I only wish I could have seen him rush by me, huffing and puffing under the weight of a 64 inch, solid wood, glass-fronted pantry cabinet with three saleswomen and Mall Security personnel in hot pursuit. I can’t imagine I’d have gotten my camera out in time, but it would have been a sight to see.