I am turning this Allen wrench solely with the strength of my rage.

Miles to go before I sleep.

Vile piece of metal.

You may have heard me talk about Ikea the way people in love talk about their paramours. You may have heard me say that shopping there makes me want to seek out Swedish people and plant a big old kiss on them. It was all true...before.

I do not feel that way this evening.

I took a trip to Ikea yesterday and purchased six Lack wall shelves. The Lack wall shelf is the backbone of my formidable organization system. I have no fewer than 11 Lack shelves already hanging in my apartment. I am a Lack junkie and I accept that.

But alas! The foolish people at Ikea took the brilliant Lack shelf, which was already perfect, and changed it, making it both more difficult to hang and less sturdy. What the crap? It used to be once you got the hardware on the wall, you were mere seconds from filling your shelves with goodies. Now, when you hang the hardware, your saga is only just beginning. You're just at the threshold of Allen Wrench Hell. And you're not getting out without a major time commitment and utter surrender to arthritis.

Then there's the aforementioned lack of sturdiness. That's not what they meant when they named it Lack! I have to wonder if the Ikea shelf designers realize that people will actually be placing items on these shelves. In my case, it's a good thing DVDs are relatively light. No way I'd trust my Tolkien books to these flimsy things. And if my Shield DVDs take a tumble, I am going to go Vic Mackey on these shelves. I am going to rip them off the wall and plant heroin in their cars.

Oh, Ikea. We may have to break up.