Petunia thieves, be warned.

"Do not test me, mate!"

Are you, like me, so excited for the Olympics that you’re reading random news stories about England?

I saw this story on a blog that surmised it may be the most British news story ever. Just look at the subheading: “A pensioner confronted two thieves trying to steal his award-winning petunias and saw them off with his garden trowel.” 

Heh. "Saw them off with his garden trowel.” I love England! I love their journalists and their trowel-wielding pensioners.

Other gems from the story:

"They had targeted his front garden, which won a Britain in Bloom competition in three consecutive years…"

"There was one man loading some of my pots into the back of a van, while his mate was sitting in the passenger seat as cool as you like. I walked over and stood in front of the van. "I said to him, 'You're not having them. You can put the blooming things back.'"

"I was furious, I was holding my garden trowel and I think they both knew I wasn't going to give up my flowers without a hell of a fight."

"It was probably lucky for the van man because my wife Patricia was at Wimbledon watching the tennis but if she had been with me she would have been at my side and they would have had two of us to contend with."

Opening ceremonies Friday night, guys!