Martha wants to eat your baby!

I have this love/fear relationship with Martha Stewart. For example, I love her magazine, but I would be terrified to have dinner with her. (I’m certain she’d yell at me for my salt intake or my Sally Albright-like requests for extra ice in my Coke.) A recent article on her website about costume ideas for babies is a perfect example of my joy tempered with terror in all things Martha. There are some lovely photos with sweet lambs:


...and adorable chickens:


But eventually it all devolves into cannibalism:


That? Is horrifying! Martha wants to eat your baby like a turkey! Or bake him into a pie:


And let’s not forget succulent baby lobster:


At one point, didn’t the photographer have to ask himself, "Why am I putting so many babies on plates today?" And I imagine Martha saw his look of uncertainty, and pulled out her whip. An exquisite, hand-woven whip made of stingray leather and trimmed in ostrich feathers to be sure, but a whip nonetheless. Terrifying!

Now I had this post all typed up and ready to go, and then this evening at dinner two of my closest friends informed me that they bought a lobster costume for their infant son and were planning to take his photo as he sat in a stock pot. Hopefully, they will not read this blog and hopefully no one (I’m not naming any names, Chris) will tell them about it. I adore them and their son, but that photo is going to Wig. Me. Out.