An open letter to the members of award show audiences regarding applause during the In Memoriam montage

Dear Award Show Audience Members,

As we head into award season I have one request of you. Please refrain from applauding during the obligatory In Memoriam montage of the various award shows. Each year we, the viewing public, tense up and, with dread, prepare ourselves for the awkward-fest that is the In Memoriam montage, knowing, as we all do, that we will be forced to listen to the applause swell and diminish in proportion to how well-known the featured individual was. Someone on the level of the well-remembered and beloved Bob Hope receives a hearty round of applause. Max the screenwriter who got his start when Greta Garbo was making films, not so much. And so, instead of being a respectful remembrance of those in your craft who have passed on during the last year, it becomes a popularity contest. A cheap, tacky popularity contest made all the cheaper and tackier by the fact that the contestants are dead.

So I beg of you, the next time you’re sitting in the audience of an awards show and you’re tempted to clap for those dead people whose names you recognize, take a moment to imagine yourself dying at a ripe old age, when you’ve outlived your fame and you’re barely a memory to the small segment of the audience old enough to have seen your films, and then imagine the pathetic smattering of applause your photograph receives during the montage. Applause that will swell in the most humiliating fashion to a cacophonous roar when your photograph is followed by that of a glamorous, handsome young star who tragically bit it at the height of his fame due to an unfortunate combination of sports car and animal tranquilizers. And then imagine the even more awkward resumption of silence when his photo is followed by that of an obscure sound editor who worked in the film industry for 63 years but who was, let’s face it, only a sound editor and therefore not terribly well-known, even to the few people who know what sound editing entails.

The In Memoriam montage roller coaster of applause makes those of us viewing at home intensely uncomfortable. Even more so than when we brace for an acceptance speech by the humorless Sean Penn. So please, for the love of decency, sit there respectfully and silently, with your hands in your lap until it’s all over. It’s the least you can do for expecting us to hang in there until Best Picture is announced.

Sincerely,

The Viewing Public