I am telling you, grown men would have wept. Because of that baby.

My saga of getting Oscar ready continues. Jen, Mom, and I watched A Mighty Heart, the story of the abduction and murder of American journalist Daniel Pearl by terrorists in Pakistan. This was all in anticipation of Angelina Jolie getting a Best Actress nomination, as she’s already gotten one for the Golden Globes and the SAG awards. First of all, Will Patton was in the movie, and seeing Will Patton’s name in the credits always makes me very happy. I don’t know why. I cannot explain myself. It just does. As the credits rolled past, I gave my patented, “Will Patton! Woohoo!” exclamation. I cannot explain myself.

The movie was quite good. Angelina Jolie was very good in the role, which means a lot coming from me, as I simply cannot bear that woman. I was really feeling the tragedy, the loss, the hope rising from the ashes… when it all came tumbling down.

Warning! Small spoiler ahead for the film A Mighty Heart: Near the end of the film, they show Mariane Pearl (Jolie) holding her son Adam in the Paris hospital where she has just given birth. It’s supposed to be this great moment of joy, showing how this woman is strong and forging ahead to make a wonderful life for her son, Daniel’s legacy. However, it’s impossible to feel all those emotions when the casting director chose the freakiest looking baby in the northern hemisphere and plopped him into Jolie’s arms. My estimation of Ms. Jolie’s acting abilities increased threefold as she was able to convincingly look with affection upon that tiny, disturbing face. And it was all about the face. The baby looked like they had taken the face of a 55 year-old--and not particularly attractive--man, shrunk it, and pasted it onto a baby’s head. My mother audibly gasped. Jen tried to squeak out some sort of dialogue conveying her horror, but she was struck dumb. I, on the other hand, shrieked, “What is wrong with that baby!” Jen, having recovered her powers of speech, croaked, “It… looks like… a middle-aged… man.” She clutched little Julia a bit closer to her.

I am telling you people, this was frightening. It was like all of a sudden I was watching the opening scene of The Omen III: Damien Takes Paris. In a film about the abduction, torture, and horrible murder of an American civilian, this was the most disturbing scene of the movie. Forget Javier Bardem. I’m going to be having nightmares about this baby.