So, on this week’s fabulously trashy episode of Rock of Love, the final four went to Vegas where Heather brilliantly manipulated them into turning on Daisy. There was screaming and crying and throwing of drinks. Heather rules! Brett even had to call in Big John to calm things down. Speaking of which, I don’t know why these girls don’t go after Big John. He seems like a much better catch.
Also, this just in: Daisy appears to be working her way through former members of Poison. She has admitted to "befriending" C.C. DeVille in the past. Befriending? I can spot a euphemism at 20 paces! If I knew the names of any other members of Poison, you can be sure I'd be implying all sorts of profligate and shocking behavior with them.
In the end, Brett booted the sweet but terribly boring Jessica, and I can’t help but wonder if the show’s producers told him to do that, just like I imagine they forced him to keep Lacey for so long in season one. Sure, Daisy is a vile, manipulative liar, but she has to make it to the finale because she makes for good trashy TV. Jessica is the TV equivalent of Sudafed, which puts me to sleep even if the box says “non-drowsy” because it’s never, ever really non-drowsy.
And speaking of Daisy, I remarked to Amanda how much I love it that when Daisy cries (which is All. The. Time.), she can't touch her face because there's so much plastic, collagen, and spackle on it, it's in danger of melting into a pile of sparkly goo. So she just puts her hands up around her hairline as if she desperately wants to wipe her eyes but she can’t because she’s got to constantly remind herself that she can’t touch her face, so she’s forced to let her hands dangle up in the air like a monkey. She's such a terrifying disaster. I love it!
In sadder news, the marvelous Heather took her leave in this episode, ending my dreams of her staying on till the end. Bon voyage, fabulous tranny queen. I hope to see you in season three.
Next week: the obligatory parents episode, where we get to see who or what spawned Daisy. I can’t hope for something as spectacular as last year, when Heather went into great detail listing the ways in which Lacey resembled a prostitute right in front of Lacey’s horrible, horrible father! But I am hoping for Destiney to just haul off and smack a few liters of collagen out of Daisy’s face. She’s the most expendable of the final three, so she might as well go out in style.
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