Cheaters do prosper. They get free wing dings.

I certainly know how he'd handle this.

In our Trivia Night exploits we have encountered many delightful things. Camaraderie, delicious stromboli, the sweet taste of victory, and free appetizers purchased with the gift certificates we won. There is one thing, however, that we do not enjoy: The cheating. The blatant cheating.

There are various tournament rules applied to Trivia Night, the first one being that you shall only have seven members on your team. Several teams routinely break this rule (It’s rule #1, people.), having eight and sometimes nine people present. It’s obnoxious and, frankly, insulting. And the management has demonstrated a total inability to curb this activity.

Instead of getting angry about it, I have thus far chosen to adopt a Mr. Bennettish air of derisive detachment. For example, when they announced that our team got 9 points out of 10 in Round One and a cheater team got a mere 5, I snidely remarked, “Hmmm. Eight people and only 5 points. How disgraceful.” And this snide derision had been enough to sustain us. That is, until the top three teams tied for first place last night and we entered into a bonus tie-breaker round. A few extraneous people from other losing teams decided to shuffle over to one of the tiebreaker teams and join them for the tiebreaker round.

Yes, you read that correctly. Not only too many people, but ringers from other teams! (Although I don’t know if someone from a losing team could technically be called a “ringer”, but you get my point.) The brazenness of their cheating even upset Brian, and we had had just about all we could take, so Melis shouted across the bar, in the righteous voice of the enraged, “Hey! Guys! You’re not on their team!” And when the cheating cheaters didn’t respond, she shouted again, “Hey! Stop helping them. You’re not on their TEAM!”

Now, if you’re reading this and you’re a member of my family, you understand completely her reaction and can only wonder at her restraint in not flinging jalapeno poppers across the barroom. And you know that, at our family gatherings, game-playing infractions far inferior to this would get you tossed out into the dark Pennsylvania night, post-haste. Jessica, Kevin, and Travis, however, are not quite as hardcore as the rest of us. They were... shall we say mortified? Kevin pulled his hat down around his ears and I think Jessica actually retreated into her scarf. I’m not sure what Travis did because I was concentrating on trying to set the cheating team’s beers aflame with only the power of my furious gaze as Melis demanded for a third time that they STOP.

So imagine for a moment my disgust when the cheater team won the bonus round. Life is so unfair sometimes. My only comfort is that their dismal performance in the tournament overall will keep them out of the final round, and our hefty lead is still quite hefty.

Still, I can’t help hoping they choke on the appetizers they order with that first place gift certificate. Wretched, wretched cheaters.

CORRECTION: I've recently been informed that I was incorrect. Kevin was NOT mortified. In fact, he was screaming along with Melissa. Awesome.